The latest culprit in Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] The Goreacle and Tom Brokaw. Hah-Men!)

Drop that Dasani, you environment destroying scumbag!

Environmental effects may make you think twice about that Dasani

Bottled Water is immoral

"Any time water is stored for a prolonged period of time in a plastic bottle, it will take on traces of the chemicals used in the plastic such as Pthylate."

Thirst for bottled water may hurt environment

Effects of Bottled Water on the Environment

P. O. V.'s Borders Bottle This

Bottled water bad for environment, says report

Bad to the Last Drop

Maybe we should take a page from the oil companies and take food out of the mouths of starving people and use it to make water!

According to a British scientist, time may be running slower and may one day stop. Because of the way we perceive time, we don't notice it.

He didn't blame Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profit [sic] The Goreacle. Hah-Men!

Some one call Al Gore and have him get a new movie in the works! Alert the Nobel Committee that he needs another award. Let's get on this people! If we act now, we can stop time from slowing down!

In case you were worried about how those 10,000 climate change acolytes were going to keep their cool while blaming the United States at the Global Warming High Mass in Bali, you can stop worrying now. The Sydney Morning Herald reports that the air conditioning unit at the Bali resort has been pumping out the equivalent of 48,000 tons of carbon dioxide, about what it took to fly all the delegates to Bali. It uses hydrochlorofluorocarbons to cool the air. This chemical is so deadly to the planet it is due to be phased out in a couple of years, and each kilogram is "as deadly as 1.7 tonnes of carbon dioxide."

And when Gaia's Anointed Profit [sic] Al Gore took the altar after jetting in, and denounced the United States with one hand holding the Holy Movie and the other a Nobel Prize, a chorus of "Hallelujah"s and "Hah-Men"s arose from the congregation before they headed off to the beach.

Can anyone define hypocrisy?

For years we've been taught that woolly mammoths were hunted to extinction by man. A new peer-reviewed study, therefore it can't be wrong, suggests that as man started Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw! Hah-men!), we caused the glaciers to recede and the frozen tundra preferred by mammoths be replaced by forests. No food=no mammoths.

If only man had not been created or evolved (depending on your belief system), the glaciers would still be here and mammoths would be grazing right now! 'Cause The Goreacle told us that we (the US) caused Global Warming. And he wouldn't mislead us, would he?

While The Goreacle and the rest of the world are in Bali pointing their collective fickle finger of blame at the US for Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!), word is leaking out that Kyoto Accord signatory Norway's emissions went up 80% instead of being reduced as under the agreement.

So I guess it's the US' fault that Norway can't live up to their agreements?

Congratulations to Al Gore!

You heard that right. I am praising the Goreacle for making his house more energy efficient. After years of hearing him complain that I am living too lavish a life style, he's decided to walk the walk. He replaced all incandescent bulbs with florescent, bringing a toxic metal into his home just as I did. He's added a rainwater collection system (which is one of my dream projects), and even followed the lead of the sitting President and installed geothermal heating.

Welcome to the party, Al. Glad you could get that done before the Nobel ceremony. And if I made as much money as you, I'd do my house too.

Um, whaddaya gonna do with the million bucks you get with the Nobel? I could use some insulation in our walls. . .

Since it's trendy to be green, and people have caught up to me using florescent bulbs in light fixtures (the florescent bulb on my night stand has outlasted two lamps I put it in), you should know that I am one green SOB. I have two Linux computers, and as soon as I can get the right size CD/DVD drive, I'll have three. Linux reduces computer e-waste by 50%.

If you have a Windoze computer and want to be as green as me, send me $250 every year and I will send you a certificate stating that you have paid your karmic indulgence and are as green as me.

Global Warming Hypocrisy

First: Prince Charles--who has licked his finger, stuck it into the wind, and announced that Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [I mean that.] the Al Gore and Tom Brokaw and Prince Charles. Hah-men!) is the "biggest threat to mankind"--booked 62 seats for he and his staff of 20 to fly on a commercial jet to Harvard to pick up an award for his environmental work. He chose the commercial jet because the carbon footprint for a passenger jet would be smaller. Well, it would be if the jet was full. The math is at the link above.

Second: the Global Warming summit in Bali.

Umm. . . Why Bali? What kind of carbon footprint is dozens of flights to Bali so the attendees can tell that Global Warming is America's fault and responsibility? Couldn't they had had an Internet summit to make the point? Nope. Beaches on Bali, man. There are no beaches at Internet summits.

Hypocrites.

Planning some holiday debauchery that will imperil your chances to get into heaven? Visit these fine folks to reserve your spot in Heaven. That's right, just like you can pay someone so you can drive your Hummer and still be green, you can pay some one and sin and still go to heaven.

Who says Capitalism has no soul?

Scared of Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her profits the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw! Hah-men!)? Well, apparently you should be. Here's a list of everything that peer reviewed scientific studies show that Global Warming causes.

In a perfect synchronicity of causes health experts have come up with a way to stop Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw. Hah-Men!) and make the Earth the cold place it once was and solve the nation's obesity problem: Walk more!

Months after an English study revealed that walking to work and shops causes more Global Warming (Wish I could find that article. Apparently, I forgot to tag it.), the US had decided to revive that hoary old myth. Unfortunately, burning excess fat causes you to produce CO2, and makes you eat a bit more, and since food production causes CO2, you wind up contributing more CO2 to the atmosphere by walking everywhere instead of less.

Earth Day, Global Cooling and Vladimir Lenin

Quick what do the above have in common?

I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s (assuming I was a full-fledged adult when I turned 18 in 1980, and put the freaking calculator away!). I remember that in the 1970s all the environmentalists, and I do mean all of them, were concerned about global cooling. Peer-reviewed scientific studies (which are the holy writ of the Church of Global Warming) of the time predicted that the Earth was heading into a new ice age. Why, in a few years, the consensus was, we'd be wearing parkas to the beach. Some, like the late Carl Sagan (one of my personal heroes), even warned of "Nuclear Winter." Predictably, the left demanded that something be done to stop this global cooling or "we would all die!" On April 22, 1970, a band of pioneering climate crusaders banded together to stop global cooling. They called it Earth Day.

Jump forward 30 years and we find out that Earth Day worked! The earth has stopped cooling and is warming.

Before anyone complains that we didn't know as much then as we know now, allow me to ask: Do we know everything?

Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!) faithful believe that we have learned all that is learnable, know all that is knowable. Their holy writ, peer-reviewed studies (even if paid for by ADM who profits from biodiesel) are to be accepted without question as if from above, and anyone who disagrees with the slightest tenet of the faith must be a fascist motherfucker who cares nothing for the planet and uses the n-word a lot, and must be silenced--they have to no Right to Free Speech. And any peer-reviewed studies that disagree with the divine prophecy of the Goreacle are to be ridiculed and ignored.

The faithful seem to forget that science always progresses from less knowledge to more knowledge, and believe that we have achieved the ultimate knowledge as of the release of "An Inconvenient Truth."

Oh, and the Lenin thing? While the first Earth Day was observed on the 98th birthday of the founder of Arbor Day, conspiracy theorists (like those who believe that GWB is simultaneously the stupidest man on the face of the planet and the greatest criminal genius to ever walk the Earth should love that it was also Lenin's 100th birthday.

For the record. I believe that Global Warming is basically right. Climate change occurs all the time, and that to assume that it is all the fault of human activity and that we won't learn any more about climate change is scaremongering at its finest.

Here's my prediction: In 2009, shortly after Hillary takes the oath of office, Global Warming will drop off the radar in much the same way homelessness dropped off the radar when Bill was sworn in. The homeless just disappeared. The folks begging for money for "food" are still out there begging, but homelessness stopped being a problem when Reagan left office, since Reaganomics was responsible for them.

I get back from Vail to discover one of the light bulbs in my ceiling fan has burned out. Was it the incandescent bulb I have been waiting six months to replace? Nope. Is it one of the florescent that last longer, leave a smaller carbon footprint, and cost three times as much as a regular bulb? Oh, yeah! It's the expensive, better for the planet bulb that burns out in half the time.

Global Warminig (Praise Gaia and her anointed Profits [sic] the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!) was invented by the light bulb companies and Archer Daniels Midland corporation who have been raking in record profits growing corn for a fuel that takes more energy to make than it produces, drives up food prices because corn is being diverted from food, fields are being converted from grains or other food crops into corn, and is as bad for Gaia as fossil fuels.

Global Warming isn't about saving the planet, it's about corporate bottom lines. And the Global Warming faithful have fallen for it.

List of things caused by Global Warming

Global Warminig, (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] The Goreacle and Tom Brokaw! Hah-men!) causes, according to the faithful:

• More tropical storms
• Fewer tropical storms
• Warmer temperatures
• Colder temperatures
• Increases in the severity of El Nino
• Decreases in the severity of El Nino

Now, you can add to the list:

• Cougar attacks in Alberta

Wow! Global Warming (Praise Gaia!) does more work than an illegal immigrant!

Here's some interesting news for those folks who believe that AmeriKKKans are the sole cause of Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!) It turns out that belching moose in Norway alone contribute the equivalent of 4630 pounds of CO2 to the Earth's atmosphere. Imagine what the moose in Russia and Canada contribute. Of course, it's a far cry from what AmeriKKKan moose generate. AmeriKKKan moose are automatically more evil than any other moose nationality.

This study is reminiscent of the study back in the mid 90s that reported that American cattle emitted enough methane to affect the now rarely discussed ozone hole. (Clinton fixed it.) Similar studies in New Zealand and in Europe seem to corroborate the moose study. The New Zealand study even includes sheep in the list of suspects.,/p>

Could it be that Global Warming has more causes than human activity as the Goreacle has repeatedly said? Could it possibly be that animals, who are a part of nature, also contribute to Global Warming and that no matter what we do, the Earth will continue to come out of the 14th century Ice Age?

A M00se once bit my sister ...

No realli! She was Karving her initals on the m00se with the sharpened end of an interspace t00thbrush given by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian m0vies: "The H0t Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge M0lars of Horst Nordfink". Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti ...

The people responsible for this blog have been sacked.

Japan has announced it will not meet its emissions target as outlined in a treaty signed in an unknown Asian city. Oh wait! It was Kyoto, Japan!

That's right, kiddies! It appears that we evil, nasty, filthy, polluting Americans may wind up being replaced as the worst polluting country on the planet by either China or Japan. We need to make sure they surpass us, so drive to the store to get your groceries, don't walk.

As Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits (get it?) the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw! Hah-men!) moves more and more into a mainstream religion, we in the West are rapidly created a CO2 emission-based morality. We are expected to make choices based on how much CO2 those choices add to the atmosphere. (Global Warming concerts around the world excepted, of course. CO2 emitted to stop CO2 emissions are holy.)

We're told that if we recycle, we save the planet.

It's not true, of course. Recycling plastic uses more energy than it takes to manufacture new plastic. Recycling paper uses more energy than it takes to turn a tree into paper. Making biofuels takes more energy to create that it will produce. (The only thing biofuels are doing are making ADM rich beyond the dreams of avarice. We're talking Exxon-type profits here, folks.) Uses paper bags at the market contributes more CO2 to the atmosphere because they are heavier, and thus take fuel to ship than plastic bags.

The latest CO2 calculations involve exercise. A British environmentalist has used math to prove that walking to the store contributes more CO2 to the atmosphere than driving, because food production is so energy intensive. Don't believe me? Here's a quote:

“Driving a typical UK car for 3 miles [4.8km] adds about 0.9 kg [2lb] of CO2 to the atmosphere,” [Chris Goodall, campaigning author of How to Live a Low-Carbon Life] said, a calculation based on the Government’s official fuel emission figures. “If you walked instead, it would use about 180 calories. You’d need about 100g of beef to replace those calories, resulting in 3.6kg of emissions, or four times as much as driving.

“The troubling fact is that taking a lot of exercise and then eating a bit more food is not good for the global atmosphere. Eating less and driving to save energy would be better.”

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

750,000 a year killed by Chinese pollution

Some excerpts from the above article, with the accepted wisdom of the Church of Global Warming in brackets: Sixteen of the world’s 20 most polluted cities are in China. [And I still have to be preached to by the Goreacle to put florescent light bulbs in my house.]

750,000 people die prematurely in China each year, mainly from air pollution in large cities. [But it's our SUVs that are destroying the planet.]

High air-pollution levels in Chinese cities is leading to the premature deaths of 350,000-400,000 people each year. A further 300,000 people die prematurely each year from exposure to poor air indoors. Another 60,000 premature deaths were attributable to poor-quality water. [But Americans are the really evil ones.]

China had the death estimates removed from a World Bank study because the "methodology is unreliable". [But only Republicans lie about the environment.]

Do you have Liberal Guilt about driving? Here's a way to convert that Liberal Guilt into dollars. I drive a 90 Astro Van. To offset the carbon footprint of this vehicle, I should give DriveNeutral $59. If I drove a 2006 Prius, I should give them $28.

They say they will buy carbon emission credits.

Whoo HOOO!

Turn the AC to 62F, Myrtle! We can buy emission credits to counter our selfishness!

All I have to do to insure karmic equilibrium is pay them a fee each year, and I can save the Earth driving my SUV! Sign me up for that!

Barnum was right. A sucker is born every minute.

Praise Gaia and her anointed profits The Goreacle and Tom Brokaw. Hah-Men! Beloved, we are gathered here to worship at the Global Warming Alter, and to smite those non-believers and those who disagree with us. Remember only we have the right to Free Speech. Everyone else must be shouted down and belittled. Now on to the latest news;

Here's a story that proves that if Americans switch over florescent light bulbs, the world won't get cleaner. The Chinese will just destroy the largest nation on the planet, screwing us all. Help us, Goreacle. Fly to China and save us! Tell them that it's America's fault.

And that organic produce you buy? You know. The stuff that's better for the environment? Turns out it's not so good for the environment. The "pollution" (their word, not mine) created by the planes, ships and trains that transport the produce from Mexico and South America offset much of the benefit or organic production. But since that produce doesn't come from the United States, it evens things out because it's less evil.

And to close out this week's "Global Warming is real, and if you don't shut up I'll put out my joint, take of my iPod and get out of my car to kick your ass. 'Cause, you know, I believe in non-violence and live and let live" roundup, the EPA has cited 73 biofuel plants (61% of them) for environmental violations. Since Greenpeace isn't protesting, I have to assume that creating pollution to make a less polluting fuel is okay.

Remember, Beloved, to convert as many heathen as you can. Make sure they cite "many peer reviewed studies" because it's easier than thinking for themselves.