To all Texans in the world!

Monday October 23rd is the day early voting begins in Texas. Kinky Friedman will be in Kerrville on Monday at 10 am, at the Kerr County Courthouse, to cast his ballot in the upcoming election. There is no reason that any Texan should not vote. Can't get away from work? No problem! Most courthouses will be open on Saturday mornings for early balloting. Surely between now and November 7 you'll be driving by your courthouse. Stop by! Have a cup of coffee and cast a ballot.

Remember, if you don't vote, you can't care about Texas or its future. And you shouldn't be allowed to call yourself a Texan.

Friends don't let friends vote straight tickets!

Sorry for the interuption. Carry on.

I got this email from someone who thinks I'm someone else:

Our granddaughter in California was turned down for a teaching job, because she only had one yr. of Spanish. She got a job at a private school. She now teaches in Rancho Cucomonga, second grade.

Had an interesting conversation with a lady of Hispanic origin last week. She told me that she planned to come down to St. Mary's and get a job in Admissions (where I work). When I pointed out that we didn' t have any openings, she advised me that "soon" current employees will have to be fired to hire bi-lingual employees. According to this lady, the Spanish-speaking people of the US are going to demand that all public facilities like hospitals, courthouses, etc. - be staffed by people who read, speak and comprehend Spanish.

We hear about the silent majority, but I think we are going to have to speak up or find ourselves a conquered country. That would be an interesting historical note - greatest land in the world conquered by Mexico without ever firing a shot! Think about it. Petition to require citizenship to be eligible for social services in the United States . No amnesty and no free services for illegal immigrants.

I the undersigned below, agree that we need to keep English as our primary language and those who live in our country need to learn ENGLISH, not make the US citizens conform to Spanish.

ONE NATION UNDER GOD!!

Personally, the only thing that scares me more than a Fundamentalist preaching Intelligent Design in our schools, is folks who demand that English First laws be passed.

These folks believe that democracy should prevail, and that since there are more English speakers, we should vote for English. But white people are the minority in four states. (Sorry. I don't know how else to describe these people. They aren't worried about the French or the Germans. No, they're worried about Meskins coming along and messing up the place.) The only problem is that since white people are having fewer children, and Hispanics, well, aren't. And, as Hispanics become the majority, they should, by the same reasoning, demand Spanish First laws. And if the majority of people are Catholic, then Protestantism should be outlawed. Democracy is democracy after all.

And if they really wanted this to be one nation under God, they would demand that we speak in Aramaic, since that's what Jesus spoke.

The author of the piece (not the person who sent it to me, apparently), believes that the only way Spanish should be accepted north of the Rio Grande was the way we got English in here: by open warfare.

CNN is reporting that 125 people have been arrested in an Internet infant porn investigation. Well, that's the headline the RSS feed gave, at any rate. Turns out that the website showed "children as young as infants engaged in sexual activities with adults."

First, EEWWWWWW! Infants? Where are the boobies? Half of the fun of porn is when both parties appear to want to have and enjoy sex. How can an infant want to have sex, much less enjoy it?

Second, the investigation focused on an unnamed web site that these people subscribed to! A site that warned them that "subscribing to the site was illegal and urged them to be discreet." Folks, pay attention to the mistakes of Pete Townsend! He was busted, a couple of years ago, for giving his credit card (!?) to a child porn site. He claimed it was for research. Earlier this year, he had to pull a short story from his site because it described sex between two teens. (Which brings up the question, if describing two teens having sex is child porn, what about teen comedy movies that spend the entire time focusing on teen sex?)

Third, "such pornography sites typically rake in $2 million per month." Wow! That's oil company type bucks. You'd think Congress would be all for it! Oops. Sorry, Mr. Foley.

For years, we've all been taught that if someone threatens our lives we should act meek and submissive and hope the psychopath will be nice and let us live. But as we have seen in recent weeks, psychopaths aren't always nice. Finally, someone has offered some sensible advice: fight back!

Students in Burleson, Texas are being taught to attack any armed intruder who invades their class room. They are being taught not to comply with a gunman's orders and how to take him down by Robin Browne, a major in the British Army reserve and an instructor for Response Options, who has been hired by Burkleson ISD. Browne said, "getting under desks and praying for rescue isn't a recipe for success."

Hey, I'm all for this! We've let schools train us to be willing sheep in the flock. Not it's time schools teach us that sometimes you have to fight to survive. Now there's a life lesson for you.

Ross Perot may have been a "hand grenade with ears," as Rush Limbaugh described him in 1992, but he did have the right idea: It's time to show Democrats and Republicans the door. Both parties are embroiled in scandal and all they can offer is more of the same.

It's no secret that I support Kinky Friedman for Governor of Texas. I hope my fellow Texans will support him, too.

All you Iowans out there, James Hill is running as a pirate/independant cnadidate for Congress. "Lobbying should be illegal," said Hill, a self-professed "drunken pirate" who is running for Congress as an independent in Iowa's 1st District. "It amounts to taxation without representation," the story quotes him. (Actually, that's backwards. Lobbying is actually representation without taxation.) He's for a more transparent government. If I lived in Iowa, I'd be supporting Hill. I hope my old friend from Nagasaki Wesleyan Junior College (now University), John Stolen, will support him too.

Actually, I don't care who you vote for. I want you to vote. Only 29% of registered voted in the last gubenatorial election in Texas. That, friends, is the real scandal.

Dear Osama bin Laden,

You're going about the destruction of the "Great Satan" the wrong way. Your approach lacks subtlety, and betrays a lack of sophistication on your part. Crashing planes into buildings and blowing people up will only cause us to dig our heels in and resist you. But, complain to the government that you're offended, and the Political Correctness machine springs into action, granting Muslims special status under the law.

Don't believe me? Who hijacked the planes in your 9/11 attacks? 19 Arabic men between the ages of 19 and 31. Who are we searching for knives and bombs in the airports? White women in their 70s. Round one to you!

Muslim cab drivers in Minneapolis often refuse to take passengers from the airport who might be carrying alcohol, citing a ban on the substance by the Qu'ran or Koran or however you want to spell it. They used to go back to the end of the line and wait for hours for another chance at a fare. No longer. The airport will segregate those cabbies who will allow customers to carry alcohol from those who will not. This policy applies Muslim law, or Sharia, with governmental authority on patrons at the Minneapolis airport. Score one for your side!

Apple's new store on New York's Fifth Avenue is being called an "insult to Islam" because it is cube-shaped and so is the Ka'ba, in Mecca. Not only is it cube-shaped, but they have bars that serve alcohol (to women!), and is nicknamed "Apple's Mecca." Soon, Apple will be forced to destroy the glass building! Score another one for your side!

We've already stopped portraying terrorists as Arabic. Instead, we often portray them as white Europeans. We've done the same thing with the criminals portrayed in our police dramas on TV. Another point for you!

You see where I'm going with this, don't you, Osama? (I can call you Osama, can't I? You already owe me $400.) Complain about being offended and we will bend over backwards to appease you, and make you happy. Be offended enough and we might even elect you President.

I hope you take this advice in the spirit it is intended.

Hugs and Kisses,

Hiikeeba