Saturday, May 27, 2006

Fortress Amerika - Day Twelve!

I was checking my email today, and instead of just deleting my Junk Mail box, I looked in it. Apparently, Angelina Jolie has some nude pictures that someone would like me to pay $12.95 a month for the rest of my life to view. Of the 60 emails in the folder, at least 10 of them promised "Angelina Jolie Nude!"

Apparently, the spammers are unable to tell if my user name is masculine of feminine, as I get equal amounts of penis enlargement and breast enlargement emails. however, they obviously believe I have some sort of sexual disfunction, because they all want me to buy viagra or cialis.

At least some are honest about their pitch, though: The last third of the emails promise hot action between teen girls, mature women, hot couples, and hard twinks.

Everytime I check my Spam mail, I'm so proud to be an American!

Friday, May 26, 2006

Fortress Amerika - Day Eleven

The saga of Rep. William Jefferson (Innocent Victim, aka D - New Orleans)has taken a truly remarkable turn. Despite pulling almost $100,000 from the freezer of the representative, and having him on tape accepting a bribe, the FBI got a warrant for documents requested by subpoena from Jefferson's office. Jefferson had not responded to the subpoena. The FBI raided the office on Saturday, and the Republicans, I repeat the Republicans, on Capitol Hill are in a tizzy! Apparently, the FBI is part of the Executive Branch of government and Congress is not subject to subpoena's issued by the executive branch. They argue this, because they all hide incriminating documents in their offices, and if the FBI can't get them, they can't be indicted! ALL POLITICIANS ARE CROOKS!

I think everyone should be a Congressman. Police wouldn't be able to serve you warrants. You drive drunk and crash into something, the police take you home. If your home is flooded in a levy break, the National Guard will take you to your house and let you pack up some stuff. And if the FBI is investigating you, they can't subpeona you! And who says America doesn't have nobility?

Anyway, Bush has agreed with the outraged Congressmen, and sealed the documents seized by the FBI. Once more, Bush is thwarting Justice. I'm sure the Left has already added this charge to their Impeachment demands, while preparing the Innocent Victim placards for Jefferson.


Thursday, May 25, 2006

Fortress Amerika - Day Ten!

The Media loves you and is interested only in telling the truth.


Last Friday, a fisherman caught what was reported by the media as an invasive snakehead fish. Naturally people got all worked up.

Yesterday, the fish was identified as an American eel.


Well, there's always the bird flu epidemic, which has killed 30 people in Indonesia in three years!


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Fortress Amerika - Day Nine

Yet another Democrat has fallen afoul of the law. Or, rather, will soon be exonerated of any wrongdoing. As we all know "Republicans=Evil crooks." And "Democrats=Innocent Victims."

Representative William Jefferson (D-Louisana), after bragging on how his kids got a cut of a communications company's deal for work in Africa, was caught on videotape accepting a $100,000 bribe from an FBI informant. Even after police found the money in his freezer, he maintains his innocence.

This is the same Democrat who commandeered a National guard unit during the Katrina search and rescue to take him to his house. While he was inside, the Guard unit waited outside for an hour. Jefferson emerged with a laptop computer, three suitcases, and a box about the size of a small refrigerator, which the enlisted men loaded up into the truck. That's right, while children were being raped and murdered in the Superdome, their representative was at his house packing his stuff. At the same time, Kanye West was telling the world Bush didn't care for Black people. Apparently, Jefferson didn't either.

Now, let's see how many Lefties call for Jefferson's impeachment.

Won't happen.

Did I mention he's Black?

I sure do wish I had one of them Race Cards to play.


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Fortress Amerika - Day Eight

An Arizona student is in jail because he planned a food fight at his school. He posted his plans on a website, announcing that the food fight would be on Thursday. The school discovered the plans and extra staff and security were on hand in the cafeteria. Nothing happened. Police questioned him, and when he became uncooperative, he was arrested for disrupting an educational institution. That's right, nothing happening disrupts an educational institution. And by the way, he was suspended. For planning something that is not illegal, just disruptive.

It's official. The thought police are here and pressing charges.


Monday, May 22, 2006

Fortress Amerika - Day Seven

In Arizona, a high school has restricted ketchup packets, allowing each student only three free packets. If you need more, you pay 25¢ each. Now, even though it's been a while since I was in school, it did take quite a bit of ketchup to get the food down.

It seems that some people were stomping on the ketchup packets, and the school was tired of cleaning up the mess. One student complained, "as long as [stomped ketchup] doesn’t get on me, I’m fine. That’s what I think janitors are for."


Let's see how this sounds: As long as murderers don't kill me, I'm fine. That what I think cops are for.

Or: As long as terrorists don't kill me, I'm fine. That's what I think the army is four.

Or: As long as they smoke off campus, I'm fine. That's what the street is for.

Or: As long as the teachers don't molest me, I'm fine. That's what is for.

Nice to know that morality is relative. But, of course, what else can we expect when Republicans face jail time for taking money from lobbyists, and Democrats face reelection.


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Fortress Amerika - Day Six

If being an illegal immigrant is a crime, isn't hiring an illegal immigrant a crime? Why aren't people who employ illegal immigrants being called felons? Could it be that it's because they're white? Could the Minutemen be that racist?

But, let's examine things a bit closer. Why are these people crossing the border illegally?

To have their babies?

Nah! They're coming to work. There are people, believe it or not!, in this country who actually hire illegal aliens!

I know. I couldn't believe it either.

There can't be an American alive who would actually hire an illegal! What with the stiff fines and all.

I have seen INS raid restaurants in town. They drag dishwashers and cooks from the kitchen in handcuffs, stuff 'em in cars, and scream off into the distance. Why don't they cuff the owners of the restaurants?

I mean, if the spics come here and take jobs from God's Chosen Race™, shouldn't the people who hire them be criminals as well? Shouldn't their names be read from the Holy Pulpit?

Today on the news, there was a report about a group of illegals who were detained. What would have better was the talking head saying, "Today, Frank Whitesheet, owner of Frank's Peach Orchard, last year's winner of the 'Best Peach on the Face of the Earth' peach festival, was arrested for hiring 47 illegal aliens, in violation of Federal laws. If convicted of all violations, Whitesheet will spend four thousand years in prison."

Make the penalty for hiring illegals equal to being illegal. That's all it would take. As long as the illegals can find jobs, they will keep coming. If everyone who wants to keep wetbacks coming into this country illegally would avoid anyone who hires them, the incentive to cross the border would be gone.

For the last twenty years, I've been giving employers my passport, my So-So Security card, and my driver's license to prove I'm legal. How do the beaners get around that?