Saturday, June 07, 2008

Fortress AmeriKKKa - Day 754

Arthur Mkoyan, 17, has been in the country illegally since he was two. His parents fled Armenia on a four-month work visa and settled in Fresno, California, and just stayed, taking jobs from Americans and sponging of our social services. Now, everyone is shocked and appalled that this upstanding, intelligent young man--valedictorian of his class--is going to be deported.

Wait a minute! Why are they shocked and appalled? According to the moral watchdogs of our country, Mkoyan is a criminal. He is in the country illegally.

Could it be that he's, I don't know, white?

Yep. A white illegal alien is okay. We like them. Brown skinned illegals, aka meskins? We fucking hate them and should run them all back to Mexico.


Monday, June 02, 2008

Welcome to Jesusistan, where we teach mysticism alongside science and we teach that God is the prime mover in market forces.

That whack job who held the prayer vigil in San Francisco a while back has been holding other economic prayer services across the country, lately in Washington D. C.

And they called Reaganomics "Voodoo Economics."

In a stunning demonstration at God's ability to answer prayers, prices have risen forty cents a gallon. Apparently, God hates drivers as much as he hates amputees. He won't help either group.

I'm going to go out on a limb here. We have the coming together of three perfect market storms that is going to drastically remake American life, and you had better get used to it. First, as China and India are upgrading their diet, they are demanding more grain, forcing the prices up. At the same time, farmers are diverting more land from food production to corn for biodiesel, driving up prices of the foods they aren't growing and, thanks to Archer Daniels Midland hiring Al Gore to make a movie, corn for biodiesel prices are also escalating wildly. Second, the fuel it costs to ship the more expensive food is going up, adding more to the price of food. Third, here in Jesusistan, a real estate adjustment of Biblical proportions is shaping up. Millions of people will be losing their homes in the next few years due to questionable lending practices, and the consumer lifestyle we idolize. These folks can't afford to make their car payment, credit card payment and their house payment. How can they buy more expensive food and fuel?

Would you care to hazard a guess what isn't going up? That's right! Wages for the working class. Farmers are getting more money. Bankers are getting more money. ADM is getting more money. Oil companies are getting more money. Me? I got a thirty cent an hour raise this year. That's $12 a week! Whoo!

So why aren't these people praying for employers to pay more?