Saturday, December 29, 2007

I've been thinking about life, TV, the Internet and I have a question: When, exactly, did I agree to be bombarded with advertising?

There are billboards along the highways. But they have become so much a part of the background that we ignore them. So advertisers have developed video billboards. Oh, that'll make driving more interesting. Everyone can watch a video while they are screaming down the freeway. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

There are commercials in our newspapers. When I studied journalism, the goal was to keep ads off the front page, so that no one could assume the paper was biased. Now, not only are there ads on the front page on many papers, they are often above the fold, and the news is below.

There are commercials on TV. With the popularity of video, we could watch TV shows on video without commercials. Except the forty minutes of previews at the beginning. And the commercials on DVDs are the worst. Sometimes, you can't even fast forward through the ad for the movie you didn't want to see in theaters and you certainly don't want to watch at home! Tivo promised that we could fast forward through the ads. Until advertisers put ads on the bottom of the screen we see when we fast forward through the ads.

There are ads in my mail. People I have never met send me letters to sell me shit I don't want. And the Post Office charges them less per piece than they charge me to send in my credit card payment. The same credit card I ran up buying the shit that was advertised. Wanna make me happy, Mr. Postmaster? Charge me bulk mail rates when I pay my bills!

There are ads in my email. In my email! I get ads for penis enlargement, breast reduction, and the latest toy I have never heard of. Spam filters catch a lot of it, but Spammers are devious.

There are ads in my doctor's office. And not for her services. No, pharmaceutical companies slap their logos on calendars, pens, clipboards, and even specimen cups. And my doctor still charges me $100 a visit. But I get free pens.

And there are ads on the Internet. There are ads on this page, in fact. I use AdBlocker in Firefox to block the ads when I surf, but I don't mind letting you people see them. If you are smart enough to block them, good for you. If not, click a few of the ads on the page and send me some money.

The networks argued for years that ads on TV made the programming free. Why do I pay for cable and get ads on cable TV? Why do I pay for Internet and get ads on the Internet? Why do I pay $60 for a video game to see ads in the background? You want to send me ads on the Internet? Fine. Pay for my Internet connection. You want to send me ads on cable TV? Fine. Pay for my cable connection. If you want to send me ads in video games? Fine. Make them cheaper. If ads make things cheaper for me, I'll watch them. But I will not pay to see and ad.

And if you could click one of the ads that rhyme with "noodle". . .


Friday, December 28, 2007

Fortress AmeriKKKa - Day 592

With all the keeping Chri$t in Chri$tma$ stuff and keeping non-Christians from seeing Santa going on, a few things have slipped under the Homeland Security radar. First, Congress decided not to fund the Southern Border Fence (more commonly known as the "Keep those fuckin' Meskins in Mesko" fence). More accurately, a bill was passed that allowed the Department of White Homeland Security to have some flexibility in where they divert, I mean spend, their funds. So if your were hoping Santa would bring you a three layered, 700 mile fence between the white skins and the brown skins, well, you ain't getting it.

But all is not lost!

Some folks in Arizona want to build a wetlands between the US and Mexico. They want to clear thick brush, build steep levees and flood dry riverbanks.

In the desert.

That's right. They want to build a moat. The only things missing are alligators and a drawbridge.

So let's all fall to our knees and pray: "Dear Santa, next year, please bring us a moat. Amen."

Apparently, the Rio Grande isn't good enough.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

According to a British scientist, time may be running slower and may one day stop. Because of the way we perceive time, we don't notice it.

He didn't blame Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profit [sic] The Goreacle. Hah-Men!

Some one call Al Gore and have him get a new movie in the works! Alert the Nobel Committee that he needs another award. Let's get on this people! If we act now, we can stop time from slowing down!

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

In case you were worried about how those 10,000 climate change acolytes were going to keep their cool while blaming the United States at the Global Warming High Mass in Bali, you can stop worrying now. The Sydney Morning Herald reports that the air conditioning unit at the Bali resort has been pumping out the equivalent of 48,000 tons of carbon dioxide, about what it took to fly all the delegates to Bali. It uses hydrochlorofluorocarbons to cool the air. This chemical is so deadly to the planet it is due to be phased out in a couple of years, and each kilogram is "as deadly as 1.7 tonnes of carbon dioxide."

And when Gaia's Anointed Profit [sic] Al Gore took the altar after jetting in, and denounced the United States with one hand holding the Holy Movie and the other a Nobel Prize, a chorus of "Hallelujah"s and "Hah-Men"s arose from the congregation before they headed off to the beach.

Can anyone define hypocrisy?


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Art Conrad hung a Santa from a cross in front of his West Bremerton, Washington home. Conrad used his crucified Santa for his Chri$tma$ cards, along with the message "Santa died for your MasterCard." Conrad says, "Santa has been perverted from who he started out to be. Now he's the person being used by corporations to get us to buy more stuff."

Merry Chri$tma$, everyone!


Monday, December 24, 2007

Putting the Christ Back into Chri$tma$

Apparently, the Empire doesn't take kindly to secular symbols of Chri$tma$ and has had Santa arrested! I like the interior of the new Death Star, though. Very spacious.