Saturday, October 28, 2006

I was watching the Scooby Doo Channnel, mainly because the History Channel was once again covering WWII, when I saw a commercial for a Dora the Explorer toy cash regisiter. Besides teaching our kids how to conspicuously consume, it even has Spanish phrases. SPANISH PHRASES! This abomination must be stopped! This is America. We don't speak Spanish! Somebody alert the Minutemen so they can watch the Toys 'R' Us!

Friday, October 27, 2006

A few weeks ago, I asked the question, why is a male pedophile worse than a femaile pedophile?

This week, I ask, why is it legal for a female to flash male children, and not for a male to flash little girls? On Friday, October 20, in Riverside, California, Judge Robert W. Armstrong dismissed an indecent exposure charge against Alexis Luz Garcia, 40, of Corona, california, who was accused of disrobing in front of a 14-year-old boy in May, saying that the law only mentions someone who "exposes his person. It's gender specific," Armstrong said.

All right, ladies! It's full frontal nudity week!

Hey! Did you know that the girl who hates you is going to vote? I hope you can live with her choices.


Thursday, October 26, 2006

Rebecca Sue Withrow, 30, was arrested Friday for performing sex acts with one of her 11-year-old fifth-grade students at Polenta Elementary School near in Clayton, North Carolina back in 2003. Rebecca, a hottie, was also having an affair with the boy's father. The student recently confided in the mother about the incident, and she contacted the authorities.

Once again, if the Religious Right, the ones who put the 'Fun' back into Fundamentalism, and 'Laughter' back into Pagan Slaughter, really, truly believed that adultery was wrong, they would make every woman wear a burka and this whole sad affair would not have happened.

C'mon, Fundies! Where's your outrage? Saving it up for the Holidays?

P. S. Don't forget to vote. Your neighbor is going to vote. You know, the guy who won't return your tools when he borrows them. Then again, maybe you loaned him your vote, too.


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A group called Time to Turn, a network of Christian students and young adults in the Netherlands have decided to make Chrisitanity "Green." They "want to choose a sustainable and just way of life, based on their faith in Jesus Christ." To do this, they have released a"new translation" of the Bible. And it is a pretty darn trendy translation.

Remember Matthew 19:21? 'Course you do. We live in Uhmurka! We're a Christian country! For the heathen, Matthew 19:21 reads: Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." (NIV) This is one of those passages in the Bible that are not 100% literally true. Everyone knows that no true Christian would ever want to be perfect. (This in spite of the fact that it's in the Bible a second time: Mark 10:21! That's two verses in the Bible that are not 100% literally true! And a third time: Luke 12:33. Three verses in the Bible that are not literally true! The ten commandments are only mentioned once, and we want them posted in schools! The one about giving all your money to the poor? Nope. Don't want that one posted anywhere!)

The Western Bible Foundation is reacting to the wishes of many churches wo want to be more market-oriented. "Jesus was very inspiring for our inner health, but we don't need to take his naïve remarks about money seriously. He didn't study economics, obviously," said Chairmain De Rijke. No Christians, he went on, takes these texts literally. "What if all Christians stopped being anxious, for example, and started expecting everything from God? Or gave their possessions to the poor, for that matter. Our economy would be lost. The truth is quite the contrary: a strong economy and a healthy work ethic is a gift from God."

So the foundation has removed the more troublesome passages from the Bible. “We don't use them anyway! There's no single Christian selling his possessions and giving them to the poor." Some of the most important passages of the Bible: the Ten Commandments, sections of Isaiah, Proverbs, and the Sermon on the Mount, contain holes where the original translation urged radical actions around money, justice or affluence.

Before you Flame, RTFA. The Bible is a marvelous piece of satire, poking fun at the worldy, cash hungry and acquisitive world of Modern Christianity.

And don't forget to vote. Your pastor is going to vote. Don't you want to support him or her?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

My aunt, Ann Holt, is a breast cancer survivor. She is participating in a five mile walk to raise money for breast cancer research. My other Aunt Ann is also a breast cancer survivor. My late Aunt Sue survived breast cancer to die of bone cancer earlier this year. My late Aunt Johnnie passed away from cancer last year. That's why I have made a donation to support Aunt Ann in her five-mile walk. If you aren't already contributing to someone you love, please consider supporting Ann P Holt. Thanks.

Monday, October 23, 2006

On September 4, 2006, Australian Steve Irwin, known as "The Crocodile Hunter" was killed by a stingray that spiked him in the chest with its tail barb.

October 18, 2006, an 81 year-old Florida man was spiked in the chest after a stingray jumped into his boat!

To paraphrase Kent Brockman of The Simpsons: One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the stingrays will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new aquatic overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted blogger, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underwater food caves.

Folks, remember: If you don't vote, who will?