Saturday, July 08, 2006

While the Minutemen patrol the border to keep people with brown skin out of the country, the rest of us flocked to movie theatres to see the story of a white illegal alien. Superman, you see, doesn't have a green card. He snuck into the country. He never applied for citizenship. His parents falsified documents to make it seem like he is an American. Then he goes to Metropolis and becomes a superhero. AND, he also works as a reporter! He took two jobs that Americans could have had! If the Congress makes being an illegal alien a felony, that will make Superman a criminal. Lex Luthor may be evil, but at least he's in the country legally! Sounds like the plot for the next flick is set. I do expect a story credit, though.

Which brings up a gripe. While reading the reviews, I kept running across the phrase "gay director/autuer Bryan Singer." Personally, I didn't know he's is gay and, frankly, don't care. He is a talented director, and I was thrilled when I heard he would be doing the Superman movie. Putting "gay" in front of his name makes him sound less talented, or handicapped in some way. "We have directors over here, and gay directors over there." It just seems to drive a wedge between the gay community and the rest of society and sounds like tokenism. How about we call him a "director" and forget about how he orgasms?

Friday, July 07, 2006

The economy seems to be stalling. Well, why wouldn't it? Credit card minimums have doubled, thanks to our friends in Congress. Gas prices have doubled. These two things alone should have a chilling effect on the economy. Since Congress and Exxon haven't granted us with pay raises, a bigger percentage of our budgets are going toward paying of our credit cards and buying gas for our SUVs.

So if two segments of our budget grow, then the rest of our budget shrinks, right? That means less money to spend on things like cable tv, high speed internet access, and groceries. Too simplistic, you say? Not when retail sales growth stalled in June.

Can this mean that Americans are finally wising up about the effects of credit card bills on their finances? Or does it mean we're simply saving up room on our cards so that we may celebrate the birth of Jebus by buying a gift for everyone we know?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

According to an AP story, Google, as a verb, is in the dictionary. Good for them! I like it when languages come up with new words. Except "gift" as a verb. I hate that.

"Senator Fucksaround was gifted with a new car last night at the Re-elect Fucksaround dinner," a news story might read.

Google, as a verb, as in "I googled the penalties of perjury last night," simplifies language. Formerly, we would have said "I looked up the penalties of perjury on Google last night." Using google as a word saves three words.

Gift, as a verb, on the other hand, adds words to sentences. Instead of "was given a new car" we get "was gifted with a new car." That adds a word, and makes the sentence awkward.

Sorry to cut this short, but I have to go to the store to gift my brother with a gift I haven't bought yet.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Sounds like Ken Lay found a way to avoid prison.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Calling all Christian Soldiers - To War!

It is time to respond to the heresy of the Flying Spaghetti monster! I urge all citizens of Jebusistan to pray for a slow, painful death for the creator of this mockery!

Matthew 5:39 says "But I tell you not to try to get even with a person who has done something to you. When someone slaps your right cheek, turn and let that person slap your other cheek." Unlike Genesis, which is 100% true and cannot be argued against, Matther 5:39 is merely a suggestion and open to interpretation. It does not say to tolerate mockery and heresy.

Therefore, I interpret Matthew 5:39 to apply only in the context of physical violence. If someone mocks Jebus, the Lord demands, in Numbers 31:3, "Arm some of your men to go to war against the Midianites and to carry out the LORD's vengeance on them." And by Midianites, the Lord means the Flying Spaghetti Monster creator.


Since today is the day we're to celebrate our freedom, I have decided to say: I am against any flag burning amendment.

I know, I know: it's the symbol of our country. But if we use items mass produced in China as the symbol of our country, then Hello Kitty merchandise can be considered symbols of our country as well. If the flag is sooooo special, shouldn't we make them here?

Yes, I watch John Ratzenberger's Made in America, and I saw the episode where he visited the factory that made flags. I know they make American flags here.

All I'm saying is that is the flag was that important to you, you would buy the more expensive, Made in America model rather than the cheaper, Sold at Wal-Mart, made in a communist country model. You would buy American, is all I'm saying. Spend the extra money!

Monday, July 03, 2006

I'm still, slowly, de-cluttering. I put 36 items up for sale on my Z-Shop over the last couple of weeks. I've sold 17. Man, I'm getting tired of going to the post office!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Clyde Bucky Dennis of Port Charlotte recently caught a 14-foot hammerhead shark with a three foot hammer weighing 1280 pounds. It was also carrying 55 shark pups that were almost ready to be delivered.

Scientists were excited by the catch, which was donated to Mote Marine Laboratory in Sarasota, Florida. They were also saddened, the article says, because the pups all died.

I am not a hunter or fisherman, but I do understand why people enjoy it. But this? This. . . Wow. What a waste.