Douglas Stewart was forced to stay home while his classmates received presents from Santa Claus in Buckie, Banffshire, UK. Since little Dougie doesn't believe in Jebus, his school headmaster disinvited him to the party. Oddly, no one dressed up as Jebus to tell the story of Chi$tma$. All the little blighters got was someone dressed up as Santa and Chri$tma$ Pudding.

Personally, I think it's just dandy that they keep pagans out of their holiday. If they want to keep Chri$tma$ to themselves, then they need to keep the decorations off the street and the stores and stop insisting that everyone say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. But if they are going to spread it out in front of everyone, they have to admit everyone to the party.

After all, What Would Jebus Do?

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." - Matthew 19:14

Remember, kiddies: The Bible is the 100% true word of God and must be obeyed!

Festivus begins with a plain aluminum pole with a high strength to weight ratio. It is unadorned to protest the commercialization of Christmas. After Festivus dinner, there is the Airing of Grievances, where the head of the household tells all the members of the family how they disappointed them during the year. Then follows the Feats of Strength. Although the exact feats have never been described, Festivus does not end until the head of the household has been pinned. Get your copy of Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us over at Amazon.

Happy Festivus, everybody!

For years we've been taught that woolly mammoths were hunted to extinction by man. A new peer-reviewed study, therefore it can't be wrong, suggests that as man started Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw! Hah-men!), we caused the glaciers to recede and the frozen tundra preferred by mammoths be replaced by forests. No food=no mammoths.

If only man had not been created or evolved (depending on your belief system), the glaciers would still be here and mammoths would be grazing right now! 'Cause The Goreacle told us that we (the US) caused Global Warming. And he wouldn't mislead us, would he?

While The Goreacle and the rest of the world are in Bali pointing their collective fickle finger of blame at the US for Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits [sic] the Goreacle and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!), word is leaking out that Kyoto Accord signatory Norway's emissions went up 80% instead of being reduced as under the agreement.

So I guess it's the US' fault that Norway can't live up to their agreements?

Sean Ryan has asked that a Festivus Pole be placed on Green Bay City Hall's holiday display, which currently features a nativity and a Wiccan star.

A practicing Catholic who would prefer to see no religious displays at a government office, Ryan said his request to put up an undecorated six foot aluminum pole was intended to showcase how deciding what religions to include in the display can turn to the absurd.

"I was turning over how extreme things could get and how loosely things could get interpreted," Ryan said.

"The real feat of strength would be for the mayor to stand up and say this is absurd," Ryan added. "Let us keep nativity scenes where they belong in the churches, in our homes and in our hearts."

The mayor, Jim Schmitt, has said that the Festivus Pole is a bit of Pop Culture and only things associated with religions should be put on the nativity display. Apparently, he forgets that back in the Roman Empire, Christianity was a bit of pop culture, and look where it is today.

It would take 30 bottles of Guinness Guinness Draught to kill me