Saturday, April 14, 2007

Good News for Female Pedophiles!

Now Toronto Magazine has reported that women sleeping with minors is a good thing! The law, they argue, "assumes that mature teens are necessarily traumatized by sex with adults [and] also fails to differentiate between sex based on consent and sex based on coercion and the flagrant abuse of professional power." In the specific case discussed in the article, the "victim" never filed a complaint. The police did all the charge filing.

The article concludes, "But besides a Criminal Code that refuses to recognize developmentally mature older teenagers as having sexual agency and the capacity to consent, there is the problem of gender bias in the way the press sensationalizes alleged infractions by female educators. Maybe the prurient news coverage says less about child sexual abuse than it does about our willingness to see female teachers as sexy, savvy and available for adult fantasies?"

(Apparently, women buying into the fantasy of males being at their sexual peak at the age of 18 doesn't enter into the picture at all . . .)

In that light, from this moment forward, Life in the Banana Patch will celebrate December/May (or February or April) relationships, congratulating the minor on schtupping an adult of any sex, and awards to the adult for the greatest age difference. We will actively encourage the loitering near school campuses with the intent to solicit the sexual favors of one of "mature teens", and ask that our readers post comments detailing their experiences with people older or younger than themselves. Maybe Now Toronto Magazine could provide a prize for the "Best Bagging of a 16 year-old." We can even name it the Pete Townsend Award for Teen Erotica. Post your stories of teen conquest in comments today! Let us celebrate the union between teen and adult!

"Thank heaven, for leetle girls," as a famous Frenchman once sang.


Friday, April 13, 2007

The Real Reason Aliens Won't Contact Us

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Well, since no one is being outraged by women sexually preying on our children, this will be the last call for Christian Burkas. Oh, I'll keep telling you about it. But we will instead, celebrate the act of pedophilia by applauding the student who gets laid, and calling for the immediate release of the accused. In the same breath we will call for the legalization of Child Pornography so that the women may post pictures of their sexual conquests.

On with the last Burka Call: Twenty-eight-year-old Silverado Middle School teacher Christine Spaich was arrested for having sex with the 16-year-old male several times over the last six months. The boy was a former student at the middle school.

As a preview of the next post on this topic, I will invoke NORML logic: There are no studies that having sex with an older person is harmful. It's not like she murdered anyone. It's an insignificant crime, so we should legalize it, rather than clog our jails with these offenders. We should make more room for murderers.

And to the 16 year old boy: You da man! She's hot, dude. Make with the details!


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I've come to the conclusion that the RIAA treats the American public in much the same way the Church of Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed prophets Al Gore (henceforth also known as The Goreacle) and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!) treats us.

In the case of the Goreacle and his acolytes, even though China has said it is building 100 new coal plants and will not adhere to the Kyoto accords, who caused Global Warming? Americans and their big SUVs, multiple light fixtures, and air conditioning. In the case of the RIAA, China is the source of much of world piracy, so they sue 6 year old children in the United States, I guess because children generally don't have nukes. Heck, even the MPAA fights piracy differently there: Here they search people going into movie theaters for video cameras; In China they sell the DVDs $1 while we pay $15!

And the left says Michelle Malkin is deluded. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, ya'll.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Murray Energy Corporation CEO Bob Murray recently called Al Gore, patron saint of theh Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits (get it?) Al Gore and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!) fad sweeping the country, a threat to the United States. Al Gore, who was a co-owner of a toxic zinc mine in Tennessee, whose 20-room home in one month uses an average family's yearly electric total, (Yes, he purchases some of that power from "green" sources, but if we were to really walk the walk he talks about, wouldn't he go more green? Like the current President, whose 4000 square foot house which uses 25% less electricity than the average American, for example?), who admitted that his award winning film exaggerated its claims to make a point, Murray contends, "cannot tell fact from fiction, [and] can afford an Olympian detachment from the impacts of draconian climate change policy. For them, the jobs and dreams destroyed as a result will be nothing more than statistics and the cares of other people."

Murray points out that the laws reducing greenhouse gas emissions have cut down on those emissions, but mostly by shuttering manufacturing plants whose products are outsourced to China, which has already said it will not abide by the Kyoto protocol, and is building over 100 coal fired electric plants. You know, the kind Al Gore says will kill us with Global Warming.

Global Warming exists. It was not caused by mankind. Our returning to a simpler hunter/gatherer existence (or by using florescent lights instead of incandescent bulbs) won't stop Global Warming any more than the Neanderthals' hunter/gatherer existence did by causing an ice age.

Should we conserve? Absolutely! Should we recycle? You bet! Will we? No. It's too much work for us to do at home, we'll make government force business to do it, forcing them to outsource and fire workers.

All I'm saying, Global Warming faithful, is walk the walk.


Monday, April 09, 2007

Indiana Jones is as Good as Dead