Utah Judge Mark Kouris sentenced hottie Cameo Patch to 36 months probation, ordered her to obtain a psycho-sexual evaluation, as well as pay a $2,000 fine. Patch did a Lewinski on a 17 year old student. "If this was a 29-year-old male and a 17-year-old female, I would be inclined to order some incarceration," Kouris said.

Hmm. Female rapists and child molesters don't get jail time. Interesting.

In June, Kristen Margrif, 27, of Mayville, Michigan, was given a one-year delayed sentence on three felony counts of second-degree criminal sexual conduct with a student. In March, smokin' hottie Debra LaFave dodged prison time for having sex with one of her students. Amy Gail Lilley got 2 years house arrest and 8 years probation for a lesbian affair with her 15-year old student.

First, the Religious Right needs to get off their collective asses and make Christian wear burkhas! Everywhere! Had the teachers been wearing burkhas they wouldn't have been able to seduce the poor, vulnerable boys! Take a lesson from the Religion of Peace! You don't hear stories about teachers seducing their students and judges letting the batted eyelashes of a hot chick reduce prison time!

Second, the Religious Right needs to get off their collective asses and make sure scriptures are followed! 1 Timothy 2:11-13: "11) A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12) I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. 13) For Adam was formed first, then Eve." The folks who are pushing Intelligent Design had better start pushing women out of the classroom and back inside the house!

Third, if a hot chick gets no jail time for nailing one of her students, neither should men who nail theirs! I am all for gender equality.

Armadillos (Pronounce "arm-a-DILL-uh," unless you want to be a pretentious snob, then it's "arm-a-DEE-yo"--like the city of Amarillo is pronounced.) have been migrating North for centuries. They arrive in Texas from Mexico in the 1800s. They haven't stopped moving North. They are in Illinois and Nebraska.

Just where does the Minuteman Project stand on this?

As a public service to my Northern countrymen, I present a recipe for Texas Armadillo:

Texas Armadillo CDKitchen Category: Strange But True Serves/Makes: 4 | Difficulty Level: 3 | Ready In: 1-2 hrs Ingredients:

1 1/4 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup oil
2 cloves garlic, crushed (optional)
1/4 cup butter
Salt and pepper to taste
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1/2 teaspoon rosemary
1 medium onion, sliced thin
1 armadillo, cleaned and cut into serving pieces
1 1/4 cup light cream
1 tablespoon brown mustard (e.g. Gulden's) or Poupon Dijon
1 tablespoon cornstarch

Directions:
Mix all ingredients of marinade and add armadillo. Marinate about 8 hrs., turning meat occasionally. Remove armadillo and reserve marinade. Melt butter in deep skillet and brown armadillo pieces. Pour in marinade and bring to a boil. Stir in seasoning, cover and simmer until tender (about 1 - 1 1/4 hours.) Remove skillet from the fire and place armadillo pieces on a warmed platter.

Mix mustard and cornstarch, then mix in cream. Return skillet to low heat and stir in this mixture a little at a time. Stir sauce until hot, but not boiling, and thickened. Pour sauce over armadillo. Serve with steamed rice.

You think you got it tough!

Last night I watched Steve Irwin's memorial service. I still have a hard time beleiving that he's gone.

Anyone who has the passion that Steve had for something will be successful. The fact that he was the same age as me isn't making me feel too good.

When Wes talked about Steve, my heart broke. When I saw Terri with her kids, my heart broke. When I saw Steve's dad speak, my heart broke. I have been watching Steve and his family since Animal Planet came to our cable system. His family is like my family. And when Bryno loaded up Steve's truck for the last time. . .

Well. Here's a little girl who has a lot riding on her shoulders. I hope she can do it for her dad's sake. I'm behind you, Bindi.

Talk Like a Pirate Day!

As you can see from the chart above, there is a direct correlation between the number of pirates in the world and Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!). Who can argue in the face of such solid science?

Fortunately, besides Pastafarians, there are two dedicated Global War-riors fighting against Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!): John Baur and Mark Summers have dedicated their lives to increasing the number of pirates, which will lower global temperatures. Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day!

While we as a nation are concerned with Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!), we can criticize the current administration all we want for doing nothing to stop but we can't stop driving our cars, turn off our air conditioners, stop buying things made with plastic, or recycle. What? Are you nuts? We couldn't survive without our cellphones that will be tossed into the dustbin when the new model comes out, the $9.99 VCRs that are meant to be thrown away, and the Energizer batteries we toss into the landfill. That's right: Bush should be doing more! Because we can't!

Now we can! Talking like a pirate will reduce Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!) and we won't have to inconvenience ourselves!

Skeptical? Don't be! As the Prophet himself has said, "It is appropriate to have an over-representation of factual presentations on how dangerous it is, as a predicate for opening up the audience to listen to what the solutions are." (Bible of Global Warming©™, Book of Al Gore 5/9:2006.)

So, here we go:

A buccanneer says 't this way:

As ye can be seein' from th' chart above, thar be a direct correlation between th' number o' buccanneers in th' world an' Global Warmin' ("Praise Gaia an' th' lass' annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!). Who can duel in th' face o' such solid science?

Fortunately, besides Pastafarians, thar be two dedicated Global War-riors fightin' against Global Warmin' ("Praise Gaia an' th' lass' annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!): John Baur an' Mark Summers be havin' dedicated the'r lives t' increasin' th' number o' buccanneers, which will lower global temperatures. Today be Talk Like a Swashbuckler Tide!

While we as a nation be concerned wi' Global Warmin' ("Praise Gaia an' th' lass' annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!), we can criticize th' current administration all we want fer doin' nothin' t' avast but we canna avast drivin' our cars, turn off our air conditioners, avast buyin' things made wi' plastic, or recycle. What? Be ye nuts? We couldna survive without our cellphones that be tossed into th' dustbin when th' new model comes ou', th' $9.99 VCRs that be meant t' be thrown away, an' th' Energizer batteries we toss into th' landfill. That`s starboard: Bush ought be doin' more! On accoun' o' we canna!

Now we can! Talkin' like a buccanneer will reduce Global Warmin' ("Praise Gaia an' th' lass' annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!) an' we won`t be havin' t' inconvenience ourselves!

Skeptical? Dasn't be! As th' Prophet hisself has spake, "'tis appropriate t' be havin' an over-representation o' factual presentations on how dangerous 'tis, as a predicate fer openin' up th' audience t' listen t' what th' solutions be." (Bible o' Global Warming©™, Book o' Al Gore 5/9:2006.)

Ya scallywag!

Signed,

Cap'n Quincy Bloodbeard

Get your pirate name here!

I Give! I Give!

An Arctic seal in fairly perfect health was found on a North Carolina Beach. Because no animal has ever gotten lost and strayed into territory it's not supposed to live in or strand themselves on beaches where their massive bulk kills them, this must be a sign of Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!). Just like last year's overly active hurricane season is proof of Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!). Just like this year's underwhelming hurricane season is proof of Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!).

The seal's appearance on a southern beach isn't unprecedented, said Wendy Walton, a veterinarian technician with the Virginia Aquariums stranding program. A half dozen wayward ice seals have been brought to the facility in the past two months. The seals have been found as far south as Florida and the Caribbean.

Blasphemy! This has to be a sign of the climatological Apocalypse!

As it says in the Bible of Global Warming"©™ "If they accept, it will be best for them; but if they turn back to their false beliefs, Gaia will punish them: They shall have none on Earth (Praise Gaia!) to protect them from a Flame War," (Book of PETA 9:74), so shall it be! FLAME WAR!!