Saturday, March 24, 2007

If you've been reading this blog for the last year, you know that I find it truly offensive that good looking female pedophiles get shorter sentences that not-so-good looking pedophiles. We have all heard that good looking people get hired first, get promoted faster and get better salaries. Apparently the same is true across the pond. Researchers at Bath Spa University gave 96 people the transcript of a mugging case and asked them to read it. They provided the subjects with pictures of the accused: half of them receiving a picture of a good looking person, and the other half got a picture of a ugly person. The subjects were more likely to acquit the good looking person than the ugly person based on the same transcipt.

So the moral of the story is, if you want to be a pedophile you must be a hot female to get away with it.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Hurricane forecasters just released their forecast for the 2007 hurricane season. Just like last year, it will be more active than normal. And, just like last year, for the same reason: El Nino. Last year, a different group (plus the super-intelligent Global Warmering faithful who populate the Web) said that last year's El Nino would cause larger, more deadly storms than Katrina. They were not correct. This group of forecasters is predicting that because of the collapse of El Nino this will be an even more active season.

So, apparently like Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed prophets Al Gore and Tom Brokaw! Hah-Men!), the El Nino both causes and suppress hurricanes. Depending on who you talk to.


Thursday, March 22, 2007

I recently signed up for daily account updates from my bank and I have discovered a startling thing: The time is takes for a check or payment to process through my checking account is inversely proportional to the balance. What this means is that three weeks ago when I only had $7 in my account and needed gas, I wrote a $10 check. It took one day for the gas station to drop the check in my bank causing an overdraft. This week, I had $200 in the account when a $15 check to the same gas station took four days to process. Even an "instant" check at Hastings last week took two days.

I assume this means that the bank's software is programmed to hold small payments for an extra day or two, hoping to collect as many payments as possible to present against the balance in order to cause an overdraft.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Just to prove that every time I try to get ahead financially, something else comes up, My van is acting up. It started idling rough last week, each day getting a little worse. When I idle at traffic lights, and since I'm having engine problems I hit every light, the dash rattles like it's falling apart. And when I look into the side mirrors, I feel like a pervert with palsy at a Boy Scout rally.

As Micheal Coleone said, "Every time I get out they pull me back in!"

Just to make matters worse, my mechanic can't get it into the shop until the 28th!

So the other night I'm laying in bed trying to get to sleep and thinking about where I'm gonna get the money. Since 2002 I've been paying about $50 a month for insurance. That's about $3000 that I'll never see again. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to use insurance money to pay the mechanic?


Monday, March 19, 2007

Now here's An Inconvenient Truth: Uber-environmentalist Al Gore received royalties of over $500,000 from a toxic zinc mine near Carthage, Tennessee. "Before the mines closed in 2003, they emitted thousands of pounds of toxic substances and several times, the water discharged from the mines into nearby rivers had levels of toxins above what was legal," says the article. So, apparently, you can make money poisoning the environment at the same time you are exaggerating the threat of Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed prophets Al Gore and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!) and still be hailed as the Earth's savior!

Maybe the Geto Boys should be singing "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Democrat."