Poor Dwayne Buckle. He testified in a trial against one of seven lesbians who attacked him in 2006. He said on the stand that this was a Hate Crime against a straight man. Silly crime victim! White (I assume he is white because the news didn't say he was a person of color.) straight men can only commit hate crimes. They cannot, by definition, be a victim of one.

If a lesbian can get a man jailed for 6 months when she lied about him raping her, imagine what they can get for a guy getting in the way of their knife! He could get a couple of years!

A Hutto police officer was arrested for paying a 16 year-old girl $50 to pose topless for him in his office at school. Frankly, I don't understand why he was arrested. The girl didn't complain. Someone else tipped off the police. Why is this man in jail? She was probably a mature teen, and it's not like he killed anybody. It was probably good for this girl's self-esteem.

In accordance with Now Toronto Magazine's recent article, we are calling for the release of this innocent man and for his story and any photos he might have.

If you work in a bank, it pays to be extra nice to your customers, and not snarl at them, or roll your eyes because someone wants to deposit their change jar. Not that it has ever happened to me, mind you. In addition to making your customers happier, and who doesn't want that (especially when you're gouging them $40 for an overdraft fee)?, it also deters bank robbers. By lavish attention on everyone who walks through the door, bank robbers, who need anonymity to do their jobs, are thwarted, and leave without committing a crime.

Now if only someone would start robbing Sprint, maybe I could get some decent customer service there!

Happy 75th Birthday, Cheeta!

The last surviving cast mate of the 30s Tarzan movies turned 75 last week. Cheeta lives in a Palm Springs animal center, and, if he's anything like my father, spends his time complaining that the temperature on the Weather Channel isn't right because it doesn't match the thermometer outside his cage.

Ah! Here's another reason why Now Toronto Magazine is encouraging women to prey on teenage boys: There have been fewer male births in the US in the last 30 years. This means fewer males for your garden variety sex-starved teacher. The competition will be come fierce, men. You can now wait for them to come to you. So to speak.

I for one welcome our new female overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted blogger, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground bonbon caves. . .

Remember, folks, send in your stories of teenage conquests or being conquered as a teen for the first annual Pete Townsend Teen Love Contest! Just post them in the comments. The winner will receive a really crappy prize!

I have a hard time convincing people I care about the environment, especially since I don't buy into the Church of Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed prophets Al Gore (the Goreacle) and Tom Brokaw. Hah-men!), which preaches that Americans are responsible for destroying the planet.

Let's face it, the Goreacle has found the best political platform from which to make his next move. Oppose him or his views, and you are against clean air or water, and are quite possibly the kind of person who would beat puppies with kittens. This is how political debate is conducted these days: a person who disagrees with you is obviously of lower moral character, they should be insulted, scorn should be heaped upon them and their sexuality questioned for daring to hold a different opinion.

The Goreacle embraces scientific consensus when he preaches on the evils of American society. It is what gives his movement a way to defend charges that they are politically motivated. But they do not accept all instances of scientific consensus, as described in a great article in Reason Magazine. The environmentalists do not accept the scientific consensus that genetically modified (GM) plants are safe to grow and to eat. A large number of peer reviewed studies, the kind they want from detractors of Global Warming, are ignored or belittled to conform to their point of view.

So the next time you want to attack me on Global Warming using scientific consensus, be prepared to accept that same consensus on GM foods.

For the record, I believe GM foods to be harmful on both the environment and the animal that eats it (including us). I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the Church of Global Warming.