I believe the war in Iraq was a misguided attempt on Dubya's part to complete something Daddy couldn't do: get rid of Saddam Hussein. I believe we stopped the War on Terror to launch the War on WMDs. I also believe that we should be fighting in Afghanistan to bring Osama bin Laden to justice for the 9/11 attacks. So, on this Veterans Day, I would like to honor a few of my heroes.

This is a picture of my cousin Gary and his unit in Afghanistan in 2002-2003. Gary retired from the Army shortly after returning home. A couple of his buddies took a second tour and gave their lives in Afghanistan. Take a few moments today to thank a veteran.

Gary was recently invited to speak at his high school homecoming, where he told a few funny war stories, or as I like to call them "Kung Fu River stories (He alwasy starts off a story session by saying, "There I was, going up the Kung Fu river knee deep in hand grenade pins.") In a speech that was both funny and moving, Gary spoke about his experience in Afghanistan, and the loss of his brothers there.

Thanks, T! I'm proud of you!

The Language War is about to heat up. New Zealand high school students will be allowed to used "text speak," the second language teenagers created to use in text messages, in their exams, as long as the answer demonstrates the required understanding of the subject matter.

A story headlined OK 2 use SMS lingo in exams even features two nifty examples: "We shal fite dem on d beaches" (Sir Winston Churchill) and "2b or nt 2b" (Shakespeare's Hamlet).

Predictably, this has angered people who believe that the English language is a monolithic thing that does not change and youth should use proper English, and those who say that text speak is part of English's continued growth as a living language. Not 20 years ago, the word "gift" was only a noun. Slowly, it became a passive verb, i.e., "The principal was gifted with a new car." It still sounds stupid and uneducated to me, but it is in every newspaper at least once a week. If we can have those tortuously constructed sentences, why not the more elegantly simple "2b or not 2b?"

Hmm. Isn't it interesting that when Democrats win, they say the elections aren't rigged and there are no voting irregularities; but when they lose, it's the result of a systematic, Great Right Wing Conspiracy? I am waiting to see how the first majority scandal in a Democratically controlled Congress will be the Republicans' fault.

Remember: all politicians are crooks, and with all the money spent on this election, we have the best Congress money can buy.

Fortress Amerika - Day 177!

All right, now. All you people who demand that illegal immigration has to be stopped now, dammit had better register for this site! Before you hire someone to do rock work around your house, you had better pay your dues watching the webcams. And make sure to check the immigration status of the people on your property that you or your contractor hires, or else you're a hypocrite.

Sigh.

Remember the days when people stayed up late watching porn on their computers?

I got this email from the Kinky Campaign, posted by Christopher Cook. Since I have to run to the polling station, risking not car bombs and sniper fire, but my boss' wrath for being a few minutes late, I am posting this instead of writing something clever. Which, come to think of it, would be a first:

The Homestretch!

Friends and neighbors, we're down to the last hours and minutes of the campaign. Everything we have worked so hard for over the past 2 years comes down to this: if the voters turn out in force, Kinky Friedman will be our next governor! Get out and VOTE!

This isn't going to be easy, but we can do it! We're not going to waltz to victory; we need to claw and scratch and fight for every single vote.

If you have already voted, thank you! You've taken the most important step in electing Kinky, but there's still more you can do.

Encourage everyone you know to get out and vote for Kinky on Tuesday. Offer to take someone to the polls who may not be able to get there on their own. Come by Austin HQ at 701 E. Ben White Blvd. and make some calls Monday or Tuesday between 10:00 AM and 8:00 PM. If you can't make it to HQ, call us at (512) 326-5465, and we'll set you up with some phone numbers to call on your own! You'll need access to a fax machine if you want to call remotely!

If you have not yet voted, election day is this Tuesday, November 7th. If you are a registered Texas voter, there is no excuse for not getting to the polls on time. Take a friend or two with you to the polls. Vote early and get to work late. Take a long lunch. Leave work early if you have to. We can only win if Texas sees a massive turnout, so get out there early and vote Kinky!

We've been saying all along that Kinky's voters are the 71% of Texans who didn't bother to vote in 2002. If we can bring a million new voters to the polls on Tuesday, we'll be making history as we install the first independent governor in nearly 150 years. Get ready for a Kinky administration!

"The cavalry ain't riding in to save us, folks. It's up to us to save Texas." -- Kinky Friedman

You know the politicians are counting on apathy. You know they're in it for their own gain. The system is closed and both parties want to keep it that way. Disaster awaits us if we stay on their course. So reach down deep. It's not going to be easy, but nothing good ever is. Work the vote, get out the word. We have until the polls close Tuesday night.

Texas needs you.

The Kinky Friedman campaign

-Go Kinky!

UPDATE!: I voted today, and I am proud to say that I did not vote for a single Republican. Nor for a single Democrat. Both parties are full of politicians eager to feed at the trough of taxpayer money. Where possible, I voted for Libertarians! And I did not vote for anyone running unopposed.

If recent trends are to be trusted, 20 year-old Amber Hamilton will spend the next 10 to 20 years in jail. Last month, Amber, a white not-so-hottie, showed a couple of teens porn movies on her cell phone. Amber says she didn't show it to them, but they might have picked up her phone and looked at the pictures themselves.

Like Schmecka White, she is protesting her innocence, and her lack of hotness will, no doubt contribute to her incarceration. Unless, of course, her whiteness counteracts her lack of hotness, in which case she'll be out on the street pretty soon.