Thursday, September 28, 2006

Beloved, we are 34 days from Satan's annual play date across our glorious country of Jesusistan, a day also known as Halloween.

Remember those Satanists and Pagans who mocked our Chri$tma$ decorations? We told them that if they didn't like it, they could look the other way! Can I get an Amen?

Now it is the turn of the Satanists and Pagans to decorate their homes with the rainments of their false beliefs. Should we avert our eyes? NO! Our Lord commands that we fight the false religions on all fronts, carrying the sword or IED of Jesus before us, smiting our foes until their bloodied, shattered bodies lie at our feet. (Exodus 22:18 - "Suffer not a witch to live.")

CBN recently has said that Christians should not celebrate Halloween because "those who celebrate Halloween either are unaware of its roots, or are intentionally promoting a world where evil is lauded and viewed as an ultimate power."

So, Brethren (And I mean that literally--cf: 1 Timothy 2:11-13.), we must marshall our forces and consult or Christian elected representatives. We must drive Halloween from God's anointed land! Let our battle cry be "Suffer not a witch to live!" as we march through our streets purifying them in the blood of sinners!

Praise Jebus!


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The Future of Iran

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.

President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is African, and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "That's because it takes place in the future."

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

After their rise to power in Afghanistan, the Taliban destroyed all art in the country that depicted the human form, as it is against Muslim law.

Here in the Bible Belt, the American Taliban doesn't destroy art. They just make sure no one can see it.

A Frisco, Texas elementary school teacher named Sydney McGee took 65 students to the Dallas Museum of Art. Great idea, right? Wrong. A student told his parents that he saw a nude sculpture. Now McGee is out of a job.

Praise Jebus!


Monday, September 25, 2006

Here's a question for all of you writers out there: If you write a story or a film and a character uses the "n-word," does that make you a racist? If you're a filmmaker and one of your characters calls something "gay," are you homophobic?

In the race for governor of Texas, a twenty year old clip of Kinky Friedman making fun of racists and using the "n-word" (hereafter known as the word no white person may use) has surfaced, causing his opponents to call Kinky "divisive."

After "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" came out, director Kevin Smith paid a fine to GLAAD for using "gay" as a perjorative. I didn't know GLAAD was able to fine anyone. As it was explained, it sounded like GLAAD told Smith, "Give us lots of money or we'll picket your movie."

I recently read "Batman: Dead White". In the novel, Batman goes up against white supremacists. Not one of the characters used the word that no white person may use, but if one had, would the author, John Shirley, be considered an racist? In fact, since he wrote about white supremacists, does that mean he is a white supremacist?

After all, just quoting someone who speaks ill of Islam makes you an enemy of Islam, and writing a novel about Turkey and mention a Kurdish massacre makes you an anti-Turk.