Saturday, November 19, 2005

As every week goes by, I hate working with customers more and more.

Last night, a couple walks in. They're looking for a place with a fireplace and a whirlpool tub. "And high speed internet. I have to take a test online," she says.

I show her the one thing with Internet. Nope. No fireplace.

So I let her borrow one of our computers so she can answer "two questions" on-line and show her husband everything with a fireplace and a whirlpool tub. There are two other couples in there looking for something with a fireplace and a whirlpool tub, as well.

So husband looks while wife spends thirty minutes answering her two, quick questions. I take care of the other two couples. Finally, husband picks Among the Crepe Myrtles. It's a neat house with a gas fireplace, cool champagne tubs and a hot tub on the deck!

They finally get out to the house, and husband is angry. There is also a hunting cabin out there and it's too close to the house. "If we wanted to be this close to people, we would have stayed in town!"

I apologize, telling him I didn't mention the hunting cabin because, frankly, I was looking for a fireplace and a whirlpool tub. In full customer service mode, I say, "I misunderstood your desire for solitude. Sorry. But I don't have anything that I would consider secluded. Look! Come on back into town, we'll find you something in town."

Little help here, people! If you want a cabin in the woods, no one within sight you have to tell me! I can't read your fucking mind. If you don't mention seclusion, I won't look for seclusion. And could you explain why someone would pay $60 a month for hi-speed Internet at a house that is all by itself. If I had a guesthouse, I would have hi-speed. I'd pass the $60 along to the guest. Instead of $125, I would charge $175. TANSTAAFL, baby!

Friday, November 18, 2005

I would like you to read this story: Abramoff Tribes Donated Funds to Lawmakers. Go on, I'll wait.

'Kay. If you don't want to bother with reading, I'll recap. In hurricane ravaged Louisiana, a native American tibe wants to build a casino and cash in on the White Eye's proclivity to throw good money after bad. That's a nice, capitalistic plan, right? Turns out, other tribes and a lobyist don't want any competition. So they got nearly three dozen members of Congress, including leaders fromboth parties to try to block the casino. The fact that they received money from the lobbyist was just a coincidence. Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid was paid about $66,000. House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.), was paid $21,500 seven days before he acted. The lobbyist paid almost $830,000 in "donations" and the tribe's casino is tied up in the courts.

This bears repeating: All politicians are crooks! Republicans are crooks. Democrats are crooks. Pay them enough and they will support any point of view you want. The notion that seems to float around the blogosphere that Democrats are more angelic, honest and concerned with you and me is a big steaming pile.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Your friend, the lawyer

i think that the group that spins their image the best is lawyers. Thanks to shows like "Perry Mason," "Law and Order," "Matlock," and "Ally McBeal" we somehow let ourselves beleive that lawyers are out for justice for their clients, or at least a little sex. And we get those "Have you been injured in an accident?" commercials that tell us how badly the lawyers want to help us when we need money.

It's a lie.

Netflix recently settled a cash action, excuse me, class action lawsuit paying $2.5 million dollars. None of that money is going to customers though. The lawyers are keeping that money, and Netflix is giving their customers a free trial in an upgrade service. And, oh yeah!, if you don't opt out of the one month trial, you are automatically enrolled in the upgrade program! Gosh! Aren't they nice? They sure do have your best interests at heart!

I am not a Netflix user. But, Chris Ambler is, and he has started a website,, to file an objection to the settlement. If you are a member of the cash (Darnit! I meant class!) action, and you want more than a "coupin" for an upgrade service, sign up and stick it to the man!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I spent the weekend in Midland, Texas, visiting my cousin. We spent Saturday afternoon at The Bar, sitting on The Porch, and watching Texas humiliate Kansas. If you find yourself in Midland, check out The Bar.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

An unbiased journalist.  Unfortunately, he's fictional.

The Media is Not Biased, or, Another White, Blond Girl Missing!

As if to prove that the media is racially biased, another blond-haired, blue-eyed white girl has been kidnapped. No word on how many women of color are missing, though.

Actually, I can't put all the blame on the media. We keep watching this stuff and continue to let them slide. They are giving them what we want: white hotties being kidnapped. Hey, with the price of gas and popcaorn, it's cheaper than going to a movie!

Monday, November 14, 2005

A writer recently became the first person to patent a story.

Here's the plot:

The fictitious story, which Knight dubs “The Zombie Stare,” tells of an ambitious high school senior, consumed by anticipation of college admission, who prays one night to remain unconscious until receiving his MIT admissions letter. He consciously awakes 30 years later when he finally receives the letter, lost in the mail for so many years, and discovers that, to all external observers, he has lived an apparently normal life. He desperately seeks to regain 30 years’ worth of memories lost as an unconscious philosophical zombie.

The MPAA must be filling the cup, as Jay might say, right about now. Now, they can patent their storylines and make even more money for the crap they put out.

Steve Tilley, of the Edmunton Sun, wrote of the storyline, "It's a male version of 13 Going On 30. It's Fry from Futurama, give or take 970 years. It's Rip Van Freakin' Winkle - with a lot of sleepwalking. Hey dude, Washington Irving called and he wants his story back." And he is treatening to patent his story idea "about an unknown screenwriter who takes on the Hollywood establishment, and sells a script to a Spielberg-type director just by applying for a patent on it."

I need to patent something: How about I patent graduating from High School? I could get rich!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Capitalism at its finest

Only days after unveiling the video iPod, porn is being downloaded at a frantic rate as people rush to fill their iPods with boobies.

Just goes to prove that the only way to make money on the web is to sell porn.