Friday, April 14, 2006

Two days after I returned to work from vacation, and I'm angry enough to throw staplers. First off, a lady comes in at 10 am to check in. Check in time is at 2 pm. "I know I'm a little early but I wondered if I could get my key," she giggles. "Nope," is my reply, "Last night's guests haven't left yet." "Oh, we won't go over there," she assures me. RIIIIIGGGGHHHT! I've played this game before.

Then a guy comes into the office at 8 pm. I ask if he has the credit card he used to secure the reservation. "You've already taken the money." "No, sir. We've pre-authorized the funds in case we don't see you. The funds are taken from your available balance, but are not transferred to my account until we imprint your card." "I looked on the Internet and checked my account. You've already charged my card," he says smugly. "Okay." He smiles and waddles out. Whereupon I manually run the charges on his card. Dick.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I am trying to put develop a Bible based mathmatics class. Here's the first word problem:

Johnny goes to hear Jebus preach. Johnny knows that Jebus in fundamentalist and can ramble on and on and on, so he packs a lunch. He has one loaf and one fish. At lunch time, Jebus asks Johnny to share his lunch with the 1000 other people, who did not bring anything to eat. How much will of the loaf and the fish will each person get?

Answer: Everyone will get one loaf and one fish. Can I get an Amen?

I am hoping to get the new math system, called "Intelligent Math," finished for the next Kansas board of education reveiw.

As Joel Robinson used to say, "What do you think, sirs?"

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

While I support the walk outs to protest the immigration bills floating around Capitol Hill, I do have one question: Why is it okay for the protesters to wave a Mexican flag as a show of the heritage?

Does that mean I can get out the stars and bars to celebrate my heritage? I have ancestors who fought in the Confederate army. I also have ancestors who fought in the Union army.

Monday, April 10, 2006

I found an article that I found a little hard to believe. Ten pickup lines for women to use with men.


I can't believe women need pickup lines. We're not that hard to figure out. If you ask "How are you today?", we're nodding and thinking "Yeah. She thinks I'm hot." If you say, "That's a nice shirt," we hear "I wanna see you without it." If you sidle up to a guy and say, "This band sucks, doesn't it?" we're going to excuse ourselves to tell our friends some chick wants to take us home. Guys are easy to figure out. We like girls. (Well, some of us do, anyway.) We like it when girls talk to us. It can be "I booked a king and got a queen, you bastard!" and we're thinking we're irresistable. If you make any comment about the weather, we're thinking you want to have sex. With us!

Or maybe it's just me.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

I believe in America First! I believe that if you are living in America you should do American things! This is America! Speak English! If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for you! Same for food. This is America, you should eat American! We should close all Mexican restaurants! They aren't American, are they? No! They just lure more Mexicans across the Border to work in them! Close the restaurants and the border is closed!

Since we want to keep everyone who isn't American out of America, we need to get these, and other, non-American habits out of our culture!

We also need to look at the film industry! We should pass a law that no film in a language other than English can be shown. It all started with that Passion of the Christ! Aramaic? WTF? Read the Bible, Mel! Jesus spoke 17th Century English! Not some heathen, middle eastern tongue. Also, we need to stop the flight of Americans to Canada to make movies. They say they are doing it because it costs less than in the US. But America needs those wages and fees! This Hollywood outsourcing has to stop! We also need to stop the Canadians from coming here and taking jobs away from Americans. Yes, I'm talking about William Shatner and Colin Mockerie! There is too much Canadian bacon in America. This is America! Eat ham like we do!

Wine? It's French, not American! Stop drinking it! We drink coffee! Not espresso! That's Turkish! They are Muslim! They don't honor the symbols of Christmas! Close all the Starbucks! Chai? We drink tea, dammit! Sweet in the South, hot in the North.

And all you Klingon-loving Star Trek fans, KLINGONS AREN'T AMERICAN! Stop speaking their language and learn English! Same with you Tolkien geeks who speak Elvish! Tolkien was a freakin' Limey! He wasn't an American!

We need to build a big wall, not just along our southern border, but along our northern border as well! I'm for machine gun nests every 100 yards along our borders. We need to keep the foreign contamination out! Close our ports to non-American goods! If you see anyone driving a Mercedes, or a BMW, or a Honda, or a Ferrarri, get their license number so we can publish these traitors' names online!

God bless America! Praise the Lord!

OR. . .

We can create a Guest Worker program in the United States. Guest Workers can enroll at US borders. Guest workers are not subject to minimum wage laws. They are given So-So Security numbers. Anyone who hires them has to withhold So-So Security taxes from their sub-minimum wages. Guest workers must file income tax returns. Anyone who employs guest workers assumes responsibility for the IRS taxes. Guest workers can apply for citizenship after two years of continuous residence in the US. When a guest worker leaves the United States, he or she forfeits their So-So Security benefits.