Friday, July 14, 2006

Just in case you were wondering, Baby Boomers make bad parents.

Colleges are expanding freshman orientations to include more common sense warnings, because more and more freshmen are coming to campus without any common sense. Some colleges are even including orientations for parents. For parents!

When I went to college orientation, I drove my car, and my mom waved from the porch. I can't prove it, but I swear I saw her do cartwheels as I turned the corner. Now, parents are flocking to colleges to tell professors and administrators that their little curtain climbers are little angels, and deserve better grades. Then they sue the college when their little angels aren't being supervised and drink too much. Hey! Look through my archives. There's a story somewhere in there about a drunk kid who opened a window that wasn't designed to be opened, climbed out on a 6-inch ledge that wasn't designed to be stood on four feet below his window, and slipped. Did mom and dad cry, "Why didn't we teach our little monster not to drink?" No, they cried, "We're gonna sue because you didn't put bars over the windows that weren't designed to be opened."

We are heading towards a world where there are no steps, no corners, and everything is covered in carpet and advertisements.

Parents, be strict with your kids. Time Out is a fucking joke. I would very much like to go to a Wal-Mart and not hear some kid screaming because they can't have a toy. I would very much like to see someone on a skateboard fall and bust their ass without a cadre of lawyers descending on the park for not training the schmuck how to stay on his skateboard. And I would like to see students taught how to do math, rather than being taught "self-esteem" and being told that while two plus two doesn't equal seven, the got an "A" for effort.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Yet another Innocent Victim (formerly Democrat) has offended someone. Senator Joe Biden (IV-Del) recently said, "I've had a great relationship [with Indian-Americans]. In Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian-Americans moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. "

Apparently, Indian-Americans think Biden is a Republican, because they are offended.

Indian-Americans, Biden is an Innocent Victim (formerly known as Democrat). He cannot, repeat cannot cause offense, or be wrong. Only Republicans can cause offense with words, and only Republicans are wrong.

I get so tired of explaining this. Limbaugh was a racist when he said Black quarterback Donovan McNabb was overrated. Biden isn't a racist because there are Indian-Americans who own convenience stores in Delaware. You know. Like Apu.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Aww. Here's a photo of a gay couple after their marriage. One guy even put on a white dress.


The dude in the dress is a woman? Bullshit! Look at that haircut, those brawny shoulders. That can't be right! Look, it's not. . .

OMG it is, it is Brigitte Nielsen!

Dude, uh, I mean, Lady, let your hair grow or something. You're looking kind of mannish.

Oh, and congratulations on marriage number five. I guess.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

An Open Letter to Microsoft

Dear Whoever is in charge today:

This morning at work, while doing the auditing required before we open, I had to install your WGA update. Despite being notified that I could "continue to work while Windows updates" my work was interrupted by a notice telling me the update was almost finished and that had to reboot to complete the update. It asked if I wanted to do it now or do it later. Since I was in the middle of the morning paper work, I chose "Restart Later." Three minutes later, I was asked again. I chose "later." Three minutes later, I was asked again. I was asked repeatedly, interrupting my work each time until I finally, in exasperation said, "Okay! Okay! I'll restart!"

Why tell me I can continue to work if you are going to force me to stop?

And just what did I download? Your Windows Geniuine Advantage! Not only did I have to Authenticate my software when I first booted my computer (or I wouldn't be able run Windows more than 15 days), now I have to do it every single time you cram an update down my throat? Do you think that after I authenticated my software I installed a pirated copy? Not bloody likely at $200 for the OS.

Do we get patches for holes in your software? Fuck no! We get anti-piracy software, instead. The holes go unpatched for months at a time. Do you fix the exploits in IE that allows sites to install malware on my machine without permission? Why would you want to do that when so many people have pirated software?

So I just wanted to let you know why I won't be installing the Vista Beta I downloaded, and why, when you stop supporting XP, I will be switching to Linux. Despite the fact that I have, in good faith, purchased software from you, authenticated it so that I can run it more than 30 days, you still insist that I am a software pirate, and need to be checked up on. I'm am tired of being treated with suspicion by your company, and will no longer do business with you on my personal machines.



Monday, July 10, 2006

Italy has won the World Cup, and an Emmy for best acting in a sporting event. For the world title, they beat France 6-4. For their acting award, they won it by falling and flopping around like a fish whenever an opposing player came close, making the refs believe they had be fouled. As an added bonus, they won an Olympic Gold medal for grass diving! Who would've thought that doing The Gator, could net you a world championship.