Friday, July 14, 2006

Just in case you were wondering, Baby Boomers make bad parents.

Colleges are expanding freshman orientations to include more common sense warnings, because more and more freshmen are coming to campus without any common sense. Some colleges are even including orientations for parents. For parents!

When I went to college orientation, I drove my car, and my mom waved from the porch. I can't prove it, but I swear I saw her do cartwheels as I turned the corner. Now, parents are flocking to colleges to tell professors and administrators that their little curtain climbers are little angels, and deserve better grades. Then they sue the college when their little angels aren't being supervised and drink too much. Hey! Look through my archives. There's a story somewhere in there about a drunk kid who opened a window that wasn't designed to be opened, climbed out on a 6-inch ledge that wasn't designed to be stood on four feet below his window, and slipped. Did mom and dad cry, "Why didn't we teach our little monster not to drink?" No, they cried, "We're gonna sue because you didn't put bars over the windows that weren't designed to be opened."

We are heading towards a world where there are no steps, no corners, and everything is covered in carpet and advertisements.

Parents, be strict with your kids. Time Out is a fucking joke. I would very much like to go to a Wal-Mart and not hear some kid screaming because they can't have a toy. I would very much like to see someone on a skateboard fall and bust their ass without a cadre of lawyers descending on the park for not training the schmuck how to stay on his skateboard. And I would like to see students taught how to do math, rather than being taught "self-esteem" and being told that while two plus two doesn't equal seven, the got an "A" for effort.

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