I am officially declaring March 2 as Asshole Day. We had nothing but assholes call the office to complain. I think everyone got someone who pissed them off.

I got so angry, I went out and bought a lotto ticket!

C'mon, Lotto!

My doctor recently suggested I lose weight. He recommended losing a couple of pounds a week. I started off at 289 lb. I hit 285 a couple of weeks ago, and have been hovering there. On Tuesday, I weighed myself and it was 285. This morning, I weighed 280. That doesn't sound right. Five pounds in two days?

We can't have homosexuals marry because that woould devalue the institution of marriage, or so the Christian Right's argument goes. But notice how silent the Christian Right is when is comes to attractive white women having sex with minors. Case in point: Allenna Williams Ward of Clinton, SC, was arrested for having sexual relations with five 14 and 15 year old boys. (As an aside to the boys, the first rule of teacher sex club is don't talk about teacher sex club!) Ward was charged with criminal sexual conduct with a minor and six counts of lewd acts on a minor. She allegedly has sex with the boys in several locations: the school, at a motel, in a park and behind a restaurant.

Ward, who is moderately hot, will no doubt be given a slap on the wrist. I sure that a top actress will play her in the no doubt soon to be filmed story of her affairs. ward had better drop onto her knees that she wasn't ugly or a person of color, or she might be facing some real jail time.

C'mon, Rev. Falwell! Mandate burkas for your flock!

Proving once again that Crime Always Pays, rep. William Jefferson, who is being investigated for bribery; who keeps his bribes in frozen ground meat; and who steered government contracts to his son's business, is being rewarded with a promotion to the Homeland Security Committee. Speaker Pelosi, who often criticized the corruption of the Rupublicans, was oddly silent, leaving Republicans in the ironic position of criticizing corruption.

Remember, kids. All politicians are crooks.

So one of Strom Thurmond's relatives owned one of Al Sharpton's ancestors, eh? And, he might be related to the Thurmond family, since Strom later impregnanted a different woman? More importantly, who cares?

I notice that Hillary, trying to woo the Black vote is saying she was once Strom's slave.

Excuse me, but CNN is running a story about the Anna Nicole case, and they've just teased a story about bald Britney only going into rehab to keep custody of her kids.