You want to know the 3rd worst job in science?

Biology teacher in Kansas!

Hell, I'd be willing to say "Any Teacher in Kansas" is one of the worst of any kind of job. If somebody found a scripture that said "1 + 1 = 479," parents would keep their kids out of math class. If someone found out the Bible wasn't originally written in English, parents would demand classes in Aramaic.

Jebus H. christ wants you to remember that domestic cats are not mentioned in the Bible! Neither is evolution. Since evolution is only a theory, so are cats! We must excise them from our classrooms.

Praise Jebus and pass the sanctimony.

Let's see if I understand this: Avian flu hasn't exploded among the world's human population, but it's going to.

You know what this reminds me of? The whole Y2K thing. During all of 1999, the media told us over and over again how power plants were going to fail, planes were going to fall out of the air, and cats and dogs would start living in sin.

On New Year's Eve, I watched the late Peter Jennings host ABC's coverage of the arrival of the Millenium. After a year of preaching "The sky is falling," he actually said that since so many had cancelled their holiday plans, huddling in their bunkers and awaiting Armageddon, he was glad we took the time to join ABC as they usher in the New Year. Turns out, Y2K was a rating ploy by the networks to get us to stay home and watch TV.

Watching the Media trace the progress of the disease, I'm sure they are already scouring the country for elderly people to profile, so they can have a year end retrospective of who the avian flu killed. If the local news channel is interviewing your grandma, that's why.

It's Business As Usual for the Media. This is the latest EARTH SHATTERING CRISIS™ that they are using to sell ads to deodorant and drug companies.

To quote Fark: "In light of the avian bird flu hype, MSNBC asks if your Thanksgiving turkey is safe. EVERYBODY PANIC!" The story points out that the flu is not in the United States. Meanwhile, ABC is actually comparing the avian flu "pandemic" to the Holocaust.

Of course, the best story out of this whole tempest in a teapot was on Yahoo! News. Bush is a poor leader, because he wasn't trying to head off avian flu five years ago!

Since Bush is simultaneously the stupidest man on the planet, and the greatest criminal mastermind on the planet, I got to wondering: What did Über-Genius John Kerry promise to do about avian flu? 'Cause the implication is, the Democrats had a plan, but because Bush got elected, they're not gonna tell us what it is.

Just what is Clinton doing to Alito's daughter? Dude, she's a Republican!

Actually, I more concerned with why his hand is in his pocket. . .

New Spelling Changes

Okay, folks. The orders have come down from on high. Heads are gonna roll, people are gonna be pissed. So gird your loins and get over it.

The European Union, having solved all the other problems inherent in a modern society, have finally, FINALLY, I say, come up with new spelling legislation. Effective August 2006, His name is spelled Jebus christ. Please note that "christ" has a lower case "c." That is not a typo. It is the law in Europe. It is spelled Jebus christ.

No word of the middle initial, so I expect it will still be "Jebus H. christ."

Praise Jebus and pass the shift key.

Harriet Meiers, before she withdrew her nomination for Supreme Court, was attacked by some for answering a 1980s survey that she was against abortion. Most of these attacks came from the Left. For some reason, liberals have the ability to forgive the past sins of their guys, while holding their opponents to the words they may have written decades ago. Of course the Republicans have just the opposite ability.

Who wrote, in response to the 1945 controversy over integrating the Army, that he vowed never to fight "with a Negro by my side. Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds."?

Click here for the answer.

Here's a quote from Wikipedia about another former Klansman in the senate: "In the 1970s, many believe that [this person] had a change of heart and endorsed integration earlier than many other southern politicians. Some believe this change of policy was a calculated political move designed to extend his Senate career in a changing social environment." I find this sentence interesting, because there is no equivalent in the previous article. Yes, it mentions his change of mind, but never once suggests it might be a "calculated political move." Does Wikipedia hold the two men to different standards? Why would they possibly do that?

The difference between these two gentlemen--the first still considered a statesman of the first order, and the second a racist bigot who should have retired before becoming the oldest Senator? One is a Democrat and one is a Republican.

One Presidential candidate said he smoked a joint, but didn't inhale, and we are told we should forgive past indiscretions. Another Presidential candidate refused to speak of a prior DWI arrest (which caused him to give up drinking) saying he wasn't that person anymore. We were told he was disingenuous and should confess his sins. Which one was a Democrat and which a Republican?

One Senator has a few too many drinks and touches women inappropriately and is unfit to serve the public, according to the National Organization for Women, and eventually forced to resign. Another Senator, stone cold sober, is accused of molesting a masseuse in his home state and N.O.W. claims it's a politically motivated attack. Still a Senator. Yet another Senator has a few drinks, and drives a woman home, killing her in an accident, and N.O.W. continues to proclaim him their greatest ally in the Senate. Still a Senator. Which was a Republican and which was a Democrat? (Yes, the Republican was accused of sexual harrasment by several women. So was the Presidential candidate refrenced above, but those were all dismissed as political attacks.)

Here's what I think: If it's bad for a Republican to have used illegal drugs in his youth, then it's wrong for a Democrat. If it's wrong for a Republican to cop a feel, it's wrong for a Democrat.

If we're going to have long memories for Republicans, we should be elephant-like when it comes to Democrats. If we're going to highlight the spoken gaffes of a Republican, we should not say about a Democrat, "Well, that's not what he meant. He meant. . ." (And yes, I'm looking at Al "I invented the Internet" Gore and his followers.) We've got to start holding these people to the letter of the laws they write, and not forgive them because their in our favorite party!

The Third Axis of Evil (After Terrorism and Porn, of course)

The Miami Dolphins formally joined the Bush-NFL alliance against the people of New Orleans and the victims of Katrina, by not allowing the Saints to win and move on to the Super Bowl. That's right. The owners, coaches and players colluded together, and determined that money was more important to them than fairness for the homeless Saints. That their own record was more important than building the self-esteem of others.

Since Bush and the NFL will do nothing, it falls to us to demand justice for the Saints. Let's get busy!

Three seemingly unrelated bits of news.

First, in a surprise announcement, Exxon reported another quarter of record profits. The company said total daily production slipped to 2.45 million barrels of oil equivalent from 2.51 million barrels. And they still made more money this quarter than they did last quarter! Meanwhile, gas prices continue to climb. Sure, they came down after the storm between Katrina and Wilma (What was that called again? There are still places without power, but the media isn't reporting that, because Katrina got civil rights.) But the holiday season is coming, and people will drive, so the prices will go back up.

Coincidentally, at a recent Exxon health clinic, the company saved even more money by giving their employees fake flu shots.

Second, CBS News recently reported on a stunning story: Bigger houses mean bigger energy bills!

Soaring prices for natural gas and heating oil are making big open spaces much more expensive to keep warm. So homeowners already contending with higher property taxes and, in some cases, larger mortgage payments, are also juggling bigger energy bills. . . . When William Levitt --? considered by some to be the father of suburbia --? began building houses in 1947 for U.S. servicemen on Long Island, the single-family homes averaged about 800 square feet. Today, new homes in the U.S. average 2,300 to 2,400 square feet and ceilings are higher, creating much more space that needs to be heated . . . the annual energy cost today is $1,454, compared with $1,190 ten years ago.

Before I get to the third thing, remember that I mentioned that more folks are already making their credit card payments late, and that under pressure from the government to do something about the staggering personal debt that has hamstrung the economy, credit card companies have doubled their minimum payments, and, oh yeah!, banks have started charging denial fees at ATMs.

Now I'm ready to report the third, unrelated news story.

Helen Thomas, (You know: the famously unbiased journalist who once said she would kill herself if Dick Cheney were to become president), wrote recently that after passing themselves a pay raise, Congress defeated minimum wage legislation. "All the Democrats voted for the [minimum] wage boost. All the negative votes were cast by Republicans. Four Republicans voted for it. Three of the four are running for reelection," she wrote.

Congressmen make $162,100 a year. The minimum wage increase proposal was $6.52, or $13,000 per year. The last increase in the minimum wage was in 1997. Since 1997, Senators have voted themselves raises totaling $28,000 a year. Apparently, raising the minimum wage $1.10 an hour, or $2288 a year, will cripple the economy.

Before we get too chummy with the Democrats, remember it was Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) who blackmailed Bush the Pater into raising taxes. He told Bush that he would not pass a budget unless tax increases were included. Bush caved. Then Byrd exulted that the Rich were going to finally pay their fair share! I was making $25,000 a year, and my taxes went up. That's when I realized two things: 1) in order for more tax dollars to go into the government, the middle class has to pay more. The Rich can hire accountants to avoid taxes. The Poor are protected. Therefore: 2) To a Democrat, anyone making more than minimum wage (and not serving in Congress) is a member of The Rich. These lessons were retaught when Clinton and his Democratic Congress passed the largest peacetime tax increase in history (The one that was applauded on the floor of the House. My mouth dropped open when I saw that.), and the repeated that the rich were finallyly paying their share! My taxes went up again.

So here's how I see the difference between the two political parties: Republicans want more of my money to go to companies; Democrats want more of my money to go to the Government.

Let's not get started on Pork Barrel spending.