Although I prefer "None of the above" as a ballot choice, Florida may soon add "I choose not to vote" to allow voters to express their feelings about politicians. If more people choose not to vote, than the next highest votegetter would win. With my "None of the Above" idea, no one would fill the office. And wouldn't that be a great thing: A Congress of Empty Chairs.

Sheryl Crow, internationally famous Global Warming expert, has figured out how to solve Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed prophets, the Goreacle and tom Brokaw. Hah-men!). She suggested that we cut back on the amount of toilet paper we use, and we have a reusable "dining sleeve" to replace paper napkins.

Crisis averted! Thanks, Sheryl! Actually, Sheryl has said it was a joke to get people talking about Global Warming.

Let's just see what kind of Carbon footprint Sheryl leaves.

According to her concert rider, she tours with three 18-wheelers, four buses and six cars. Most of her shows requires lights which are run off electricity (not to mention amps, monitors and guitars), and electricity is created when coal is burned. As I understand it, using locally produced foods also decreases Global Warming. For every show she requires 12 bottles of Grolsch, from Holland and 6 bottles of a local beer. If it's Monday, she needs Maker's Mark from Kentucky, Tuesday it's Bombay Gin imported from England, Wednesday it's Courvosier Brandy from France, Thursday it's Champagne from France since that's the only place Champagne comes from, Friday and Sunday it's Silver Tequila presumably from Mexico, and on Saturday it's Absolut Vodka from Sweden. She always requires a "a good Australian cabernet" from, well, Australia.

Hmm. That's a pretty good sized carbon footprint just for the alcohol!

Apparently, the folks over in England haven't heard that May/December romances are good things. A 18 year old schoolboy testified against his 29 year old teacher, smoking hot Jenine Saville-King, saying that they had a relationship when he was 15. He was obviously misinformed about how beneficial that type of relationship is because he is testifying against her.

I am eagerly anticipating, Mrs. Saville-Kings account of her conquest and self-esteem boosting of the young lad and hope she will submit it to the Pete Townsend Teen Love Story contest!

A Chicago principal and teacher have resigned after being recording boosting each other's self esteem. No one was hurt, no one went to jail, but two people are out of work while our troops are dying in Iraq.

While these two don't qualify for the Pete Townsend award, we'd still like to have their hot sex story!

I'm glad Howard K. Stern doesn't read my blog. I suggested that if this were a TV drama (and isn't it?), he would have murdered Anna Nicole and Danny to gain control of the Howard fortune. I just said if were Matlock, that would be the storyline.

He's suing Anna Nicole's mom's lawyer for definition, I mean, defamation of character for saying he murdered Anna Nicole.

And if CNN and Entertainment Tonight aren't on their knees thanking the Flying Spaghetti Monster for Anna Nicole's death, they need to be!

Thirty-one year old Tracy Booth boosted the self esteem of a 13-year old student (a mature teen, obviously) three times in the last 6 months. Congratulations, unnamed student! You bagged an older woman! Drop us a line with the steamy details so we can document how this has helped you.

We know this wasn't a sex crime, but a true romantic situation, because the police were tipped off by a third party, not the lucky boy, who was her student at the private Newark Boys Chorus School! We demand the release of this innocent woman, so that she and her mature teen lover may be together forever! And we ask for their entries in the Pete Townsend Teen Love Story Contest.