Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Talk Like a Pirate Day!

As you can see from the chart above, there is a direct correlation between the number of pirates in the world and Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!). Who can argue in the face of such solid science?

Fortunately, besides Pastafarians, there are two dedicated Global War-riors fighting against Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!): John Baur and Mark Summers have dedicated their lives to increasing the number of pirates, which will lower global temperatures. Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day!

While we as a nation are concerned with Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!), we can criticize the current administration all we want for doing nothing to stop but we can't stop driving our cars, turn off our air conditioners, stop buying things made with plastic, or recycle. What? Are you nuts? We couldn't survive without our cellphones that will be tossed into the dustbin when the new model comes out, the $9.99 VCRs that are meant to be thrown away, and the Energizer batteries we toss into the landfill. That's right: Bush should be doing more! Because we can't!

Now we can! Talking like a pirate will reduce Global Warming ("Praise Gaia and her annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!) and we won't have to inconvenience ourselves!

Skeptical? Don't be! As the Prophet himself has said, "It is appropriate to have an over-representation of factual presentations on how dangerous it is, as a predicate for opening up the audience to listen to what the solutions are." (Bible of Global Warming©™, Book of Al Gore 5/9:2006.)

So, here we go:

A buccanneer says 't this way:

As ye can be seein' from th' chart above, thar be a direct correlation between th' number o' buccanneers in th' world an' Global Warmin' ("Praise Gaia an' th' lass' annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!). Who can duel in th' face o' such solid science?

Fortunately, besides Pastafarians, thar be two dedicated Global War-riors fightin' against Global Warmin' ("Praise Gaia an' th' lass' annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!): John Baur an' Mark Summers be havin' dedicated the'r lives t' increasin' th' number o' buccanneers, which will lower global temperatures. Today be Talk Like a Swashbuckler Tide!

While we as a nation be concerned wi' Global Warmin' ("Praise Gaia an' th' lass' annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!), we can criticize th' current administration all we want fer doin' nothin' t' avast but we canna avast drivin' our cars, turn off our air conditioners, avast buyin' things made wi' plastic, or recycle. What? Be ye nuts? We couldna survive without our cellphones that be tossed into th' dustbin when th' new model comes ou', th' $9.99 VCRs that be meant t' be thrown away, an' th' Energizer batteries we toss into th' landfill. That`s starboard: Bush ought be doin' more! On accoun' o' we canna!

Now we can! Talkin' like a buccanneer will reduce Global Warmin' ("Praise Gaia an' th' lass' annointed prophet Al Gore!"©™ Hahhh-Men!) an' we won`t be havin' t' inconvenience ourselves!

Skeptical? Dasn't be! As th' Prophet hisself has spake, "'tis appropriate t' be havin' an over-representation o' factual presentations on how dangerous 'tis, as a predicate fer openin' up th' audience t' listen t' what th' solutions be." (Bible o' Global Warming©™, Book o' Al Gore 5/9:2006.)

Ya scallywag!

Signed,

Cap'n Quincy Bloodbeard

Get your pirate name here!

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