I had a discussion with an English-firster the other day. He used the "Immigrants should have to learn English when they come here" argument, so I thought I would help out all you English speakers with some basic Comanche phrases. After all, they were here first, and we should have learned Comanche!

Comanche	English
haa	yes
haamae	please
kee	no
nu nahnia tsa	my name is
u nakiupanaitu nu	I understand you
unha nu nakisupanainu	Do you understand me?
enha hakai nuusuka	How are you?
tsaatu untse	Fine and you
unha numu tekwaegu	Do you speak Comanche
yuhu taibo tekwapu	Spanish Language
taibo tekwapu	English Language
numu tekwapu	Cherokee Language
ura	Thank you.

You're welcome.

Help Please!

When Peter Jackson made his travesty that was King Kong, he had to make the natives of Kong's island inhuman, because showing black people in a tribal setting is racist. That's why we don't see Johnny Weismuller movies any more, either.

So how does the Discovery Channel get away with this?

CNN is reporting that the body found in a field near Fitchberg, Wisconsin is likely the body of the missing smoking hot coed Kelly Nolan.

There is no word if the bodies of any missing women of color have been located, nor any word if their disappearances will be covered at all.

Fortress Amerika Day 243

Texas-based pizza chain Pizza Patron, has found itself the object of hate mail a death threats from peace loving whites and English-firsters. What inspires such hatred of a hispanic owned business? Why, signs reading "Aceptamos pesos"--or "We accept pesos"--at its stores across Texas, Colorado, Arizona, Nevada and California. A Pizza Patron spokesman said all they were trying to do is sell more pizzas to its hispanic customers, who make up 60% of their business.

I saw one interview on San Antonio news and a native-born (but hispanic and therefore second rate and suspect) citizen said, "This is great! My grandmother keeps sending me money from Mexico. Now I can spend it!"

The chain usually locates its stores in Hispanic neighborhoods and requires its managers to be bilingual and to live in the area. The company proudly proclaims: "to serve the Hispanic community is our passion."

Please note that there were no death threats against the stores along the Canadian border that take Canadian dollars, thereby proving that the English-firsters and peso haters don't object to accepting foreign currency from a white country.

Actor Michael Richards was performing at the LA Laugh Factory when a couple of guys thought they might heckle the performer. They didn't realize what they would unleash.

Richards went on a rampage that few could imagine. At one point, he told one of the guys [Note: I do not, as a rule, refer to someone by their race. However, in this case, I must. I do not say, for example, "the black actress Halle Berry," nor do I say "the great black actor Samuel L. Jackson." Halle Berry and Samuel Jackson are exceptional actors and to label them as black actors diminishes their abilities. That's why, by the way, I don't call Brian Singer a "Gay director" or Ellen Degeneres a "Gay talk show host."], who were black, that fifty years ago he would be hanging by his feet with a fork in his ass, and repeatedly called them "niggers."

That's right! I actually typed it. And because you read it, you are a racist!

Anyway, Richards apologized to Al Sharpton, who said that he would like to see the word "nigger" disappear from white and black usage. "Finally!" I thought, "someone gets it!"

If a black person addresses another black person as "nigger," then the word isn't offensive. You can't have it both ways! I believe the word is offensive, and only use it here to for its shock value.

Recently, Black leaders challenged the entertainment industry, including rap artists, actors, major studios and the public, to stop the use of "nigger." Once the word stops being used by anyone, it loses its meaning.

And no, "niggardly" is not derived from "nigger." So stop being so sensitive!