Have you seen the commercial that shows "Dangerous Catch" Type fisherman hauling plastic bottles of water out of the ocean? Does that disturb anyone else? All that plastic floating in the ocean? What about bottled water in general?

When I was a kid, when my dad took us somewhere, he would fill a big cooler with a spigot on it with ice, then add water. When we got thirsty, we had the coldest water in the world. The last time we traveled, we tossed bottled water in the ice chest.

I recently decided that I would no longer buy or use bottled water. I think it is not ecologically sound. So at the beginning of every work week, I buy a bag of ice at the local Kwik E Mart, and put ice in an insulated mug and drink tap water.

Turns out, I was ahead of the curve. The Green movement has caught up with me! Restaurants in San Francisco are serving tap water! Mike Kossa-Rienzi, general manager of Chez Panisse, said, "Shipping bottles of water from Italy doesn't make sense."

Bravo! We strike a blow against consumerism and pretension at the same time!

I have been watching the Left fall all over itself singing the praises of Barack Obama for President. Then they moan that he would be a perfect candidate "if only he didn't smoke." Apparently, smoking causes you to be conservative, or something, and that makes him unqualified.

Apparently, Obama has been reading the opinion polls, because he's quitting. Mind you, he's not quitting because his wife's been nagging him to give it up. He's quitting so he can be President.

I'm sorry, but if the only reason you can't support Obama is because he smokes, you don't have a strong commitment to anything. Getting bjs from interns under the desk? That's okay. Make money in a questionable real estate venture? No problem! Make unprecedented profits in the futures market? Saintly behavior. Claim a $10 charitble donation for used underwear on your taxes? Everyone does that. Throw your military decorations over a wall at a anti-war rally in the 70s, then run on your war record a couple of decades later? Not worth mentioning. But smoke a fucking cigarette? That's the kiss of fucking death! If he smokes, he's scum!

So here's how I imagine the application process. "Pro-choice? Check! For Affirmative Action? Check! Against the Iraq War? Check! For higher taxes? Check! Higher minimum wage? Check! Person of color? Bonus points! Oh! You're a smoker. Too bad. Next candidate!"

Waittaminnit!

I thought people drove SUVs and Hummers because of their crash survivability. Here's a picture of a Hummer that crashed into a school bus. The Hummer is toast and the school bus is only scuffed. People should dump their hummers and buy school buses!

Someone call Madison Avenue and get them on associating the school bus with penis size.