One of the surest signs of the death of a community is when people build businesses by the airport or railroad yards, then complain about the noise. Or, when people move from the City to the Small Town, and complain that the locals are putting pictures of dead deer in the paper again, or they want to change something else about the town they retired to.

In Billings, Montana, hotel chain built their buildings only to find the whistles kept people awake at night, and away from their hotel in the future. Apparently, they no longer teach "Location, Location, Location" in business school. So the city is being forced to figure out a way to silence the trains.

Here in Paradise, deer season is approaching, and as the locals traipse down to the office of the local paper to get their picture taken with their trophy (this is a farming community, or at least it used to be), the auslanders, as I have begun calling them, are about to start the annual deluge of letters to the editor asking them to stop putting those pictures on every page and put them in a special section they can dispose of without being reminded of where their food comes from. The people who were born and raised here are understandably upset by these letters.

So, an open question to the auslanders: If you loved Fredericksburg so much to move here, why are you trying to turn it into the town you left?

Feel free to respond in the comments.

This "Chains on Main" thing is getting really annoying. Can any of the opponents tell me what, exactly, a chain is?

Is Century 21 a chain?

Is Subway a chain?

Is Edward Jones a chain?

Is Jek's a chain?

Is Coldwell Banker a chain?

Is Mamacita's a chain?

Is Radio Shack a chain?

Is Water2Wine a chain?

Is Chase Bank a chain?

Is GMAC Realty a chain?

Is McDonalds a chain?

Is Security State Bank a chain?

Is Dairy Queen a chain?

Or is a chain a vaguely amorphous concept? Formula business is a term bandied about. To me, that sounds like it includes franchises like, Subway, McDonalds, Dairy Queen, Water2Wine, Century 21, and GMAC Realty. Or, do the opponents mean stores that are corporate owned like Beall's Wal-Mart, HEB, Super S, Western Beverage, Mamacita's or the locally owned Jek's. Shouldn't banks be considered chains?

Or does it depend on the chain? We won't, for example allow another franchisee to put another McDonalds on Main, but if another Water2Wine franchisee wanted to open a store. . .

Or does it depend on where the chain is based? Jek's is based here so they're cool? Or will they not be allowed to open another store under the new ordinance?

David Pedregon said, "There were two groups who were well represented on the committee -- shop owners and property owners -- there was one vitally important group that was missing -- the visitor.”

There is a fourth group.

The people who live here. Who do we turn to?

For the last couple of months every issue of the local paper has published at least one letter from some "Visitor" henceforth known on this blog as GDT ("Gosh Darn Tourist" or something like that), has written in saying "Don't do X! That's why we come there. If we wanted X we'd stay at home." (Where x=chains on main, or power generating windmills, or something else that might improve the citizens' lives.)

When did tourists get a say in local politics? Could I weigh in on the continuing saga of the Atlantic City Mayor simply because I have spent a night there?

Or are we simply abandoning the town and letting the tourists have it?

From this day forward, I think all the local politicians should take their campaigns to Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and Austin, since the tourists are the one running the town.

Back to local politics.

With the "No Chains on Main" ordinance sure to pass, I began wondering about a strip mall at the edge of town. They are doubling the size of the mall, and I wonder what is going in there. Could it be a chain? Something to get the locals to abandon Main Street so the tourists could have free reign?

While there is no doubt in my mind that tourism has been good for Fredericksburg, it has also been bad. Habitat for Humanity homes were built for $40,000, and appraised for $125,000, meaning that affordable housing in Fredericksburg is becoming an oxymoron. Our "beloved" mayor campaigned on getting more affordable housing. He said he would get Realtors (who don't make as much money selling affordable housing) and builders (who don't make as much money building affordable housing) to form a committee to investigate affordable housing. That's like putting a committee of foxes in charge of investigating chicken coop security. At his second Town Meeting (which he said he would hold regularly, which, apparently meant once a year) he said, "There is no affordable housing in Fredericksburg. Next question." Nice to see a politician live up to his campaign promises.

Tourism brought in people who wanted a piece of the Hill Country bad enough that they would pay any price to have it. One bedroom one bath homes with no heat or air routinely sell for a quarter of a million dollars in the historic district. Then they are remodeled into 30,000 square foot "Fuck You" homes. (A "Fuck You" home is a house two or three times bigger than the surrounding homes that push property values into the stratosphere. We also have "Fuck You" subdivisions at the edge of town. One of them is a gated community, 'cause Fredericksburg crime is so rampant.) A recent report showed that 60% of the Hill Country Memorial Hospital employees do not live in Gillespie County. Why? Too expensive. It's cheaper to live in San Antonio and commute 2 hours each way to work than to live in Fredericksburg.

The other thing tourism has brought us is a Main Street geared to tourists. Where to the locals shop? At the edges of town, where chains are allowed: Wal-Mart, Bealls, Walgreens, Blockbuster, Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Mr. Gatti's, Dominoes, Game Stop, and more. I'm sure the CVB would happily make people move from Fredericksburg so there would be more homes to convert to B&Bs and guesthouses for the tourists to use.

As we make Fredericksburg more and more of a tourist destination, I have to wonder, what is left in town for the citizens? High tax rates and minimum wage jobs kowtowing to tourists who, because they're on vacation and you serving them, think they're better than you? More people who move from Houston and Dallas and commute to jobs in San Antonio and Austin who spend a lot of their time telling locals that if things were more like Houston, Dallas, San Antonio or Austin, Fredericksburg would be a better place to live, and who think they are better than you if you disagree?

Lord, I hope not.

I miss my hometown.

We had a good shower the other day. And we had a good parade.

Don't feel bad if you missed it. It's small. Every time East College Street floods, SUVs and pickups appear for a water splashing contest.

For those of you who may be unaware of the custom, allow me to describe it: people drive at or above the speed limit from Llano Street down East College Street to see if the vehicle will make it through the curb-deep water, and how far the water can be splashed into the the yards on either side of the street.

City pickups check the conditions, driving down East College Street with one door open to gauge the depth. When it is sufficient, high water signs are placed at East Travis and North Pine. This eliminates a similar North and South competition. Police vehicles never participate in, or even view, this competition. They just turn around and drive away.

One of my neighbors often participates in this activity, driving his pickup south on Lincoln to College Street, making a left turn, and accelerating rapidly east until high ground is reached, then turning around and driving west until he reaches North Llano Street, where he checks conditions on North Llano before returning to demonstrate his water spraying prowess a few more times before the water recedes.

So if you have a new SUV, come on out the next time it rains! We'd love to see new entrants!