Wednesday, August 30, 2006

So, John Mark Karr, didn't do it. The journalistic orgasm we just went through was all for nothing. The media crammed information into my our ears against our will, and, in the words of Ron White, raped our ear canals, giving us information that was incorrect, and unwanted. It's a good thing he didn't confess on Monday, or no one would have been available to report on how bad Katrina was; and why it's Bush' fault that despite spending 15 times as much on Katrina as on Andrew, and 5 times as much on Katrina as on 9/11 aid, New Orleans is still empty.

So Karr lied, and while we may never understand his motives for doing so, I think we can hazard a few guesses. My favorite theory is that Karr, who had been arrested on an unrelated sex crime in Thailand (which, in the words of one the planet's best* reporters, "may or may not involve children") was looking at some time in a Thai prison and decided it might be better to face the music on the child pr0n case in California. The second theory is weaker than the other, and isn't supported by what has been reported in the news: that he wanted to come home and thought ticket prices were too high, so he went for the free first class trip. And finally, definitely a long shot, but in our red state/blue state era, maybe he's a Hillary supporter, and they needed him back for 2008.

*I wish there was a way for the sarcasm that is dripping from that word can be conveyed in print. But if it can, tissues are available in the lobby.


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