Saturday, August 12, 2006

The late, great Douglas Adams once wrote, "The intelligence in the universe is a constant. Unfortunately, the population is growing."

A Washington, D. C. activist group beleives everyone is stupid. They say "many people don't know that milk could cause severe gastrointestinal symptoms," and want lactose intolerance warnings put on milk sold in the District. Some people, apparently, will drink milk every day, get sick and not have a clue what caused it.

Yesterday, I had a kolache from the bakery next door, and spent much of the afternoon praying no one was in the bathroom. I figured out that the sausage was the culprit. Maybe this activist group could sue the bakery to get a warning put on the door. "Greasy sausage will give you the trots." Or put signs up along the Southern border reading "Drinking the water in Mexico will give you the runs." Or signs in every city "Driving your car contributes to pollution." Or "TV rots your brain." Or "There's pr0n on the Internet."

To be fair, this group is about two things: stopping milk sales and getting money for lawyers. They want big labels on milk that say milk can cause severe gastrointestinal pain. A label like that on milk cartons will slow milk sales. Their class action lawsuit is on behalf of people who are lactose intolerant and, here's the important part, don't know it. If you know you are lactose intolerant, you are not part of the suit. If you don't know you are lactose intolerant, you won't join the class, thus more of the money in damages goes to the lawyers.

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