Saturday, June 10, 2006

Fortress Amerika - Day Twenty Four: English First!

I went to a restaurant the other night and had the most horrible experience!

I was in the mood for ethnic food, so I picked a restaurant with a good reputation. My first hint that the evening would be a disaster should have been seeing that the restaurant didn't have an English name.

We were seated quickly even though the restaurant was busy. The waiter handed us our menus and we hit the first stumbling block. None of the dishes had English names! How in the world can you expect Americans to order when the menu isn't in English? I summoned the waiter over and he translated the menu. When he walked off, he and another coworker began conversing in their language. Right there in front of all us Americans! How Rude!

I was livid at that point. I called for the manager. When she arrived at tableside, I started my complaint: "How dare you come to this country and use a foreign language! This is America! SPEAK AND WRITE IN ENGLISH! My ancestors came to this country, and they learned English, [I didn't mention they were from England, and that they arrived on the Mayflower.] why can't you? Write your menu in English! Make your employees speak English! Don't come here and expect me to learn your language!"

The manager smiled ruefully and apologized. Then she said, "Perhaps zee next time, m'siuer, you should not come to Chez Pierre."

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Blogger Aurelius said...

Good show. As I was reading I was thinking, 'this dink's never been to a french restuarant?' then blam, that's the punchline. . .

10:01 AM  
Blogger hiikeeba said...

I think we should treat the French like we do the Mexicans: Make 'em speak English!

1:33 PM  

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