The next time you call a bed and breakfast reservation service, there are three things I want you to do.

1. Please start your conversation with the date you have in mind. i know you've been thinking about it all day. I know you've checked the calendar--or at least confirmed that there is a 14th in February. Do not start your conversation: "I'd like to book Catnip Cabin please," and then wait for the reservationist to say "Okay. You got it." If someone says something like that to me, I reply, "Tonight?" All you have to do is say, "I'd like to book Catnip Cabin For February 12th and 13th." You don't even have to add please.

2. Only request the nights you will be paying for. Please don't call and say, "I'd like catnip Cabin for the 12th, 13th and 14th." Because I will ask, "Three nights?" or "Leaving on the 15th?"

3. If Catnip Cabin isn't available, and I provide you with a a few alternatives, please do not ask if they are available for those days. One day, I promise, I'll snap and say, "Now why the fuck would I tell you about places that are already booked?"

And for a bonus #4: When I tell you we need a credit card to secure the reservation, and say go ahead whenever you're ready, please please please don't ask "Oh! Do you want the numbers?"

My co-workers and I thank you.