Sunday, January 22, 2006

Even though I haven't brought it up in a while, you can still do one more thing to help out the Katrina's New Orleans homeless: Demand that the Saints be given the Lombardi Trophy for the obstacles they faced. They didn't have a home to play their home games. Thousands of people, according to the media, were murdered in the bathrooms of the Superdome (Even though the press later spun those initial reports as complete fiction, we know the truth, as delivered by Kanye West: Bush sent in Hit Squads to eliminate the hated Blacks!), their owner continually threatened to move the team, and, well, they sucked.

As we try to crush out the meritocracy that is fascist America, we have to destroy the meritocracy in sports--the metaphor of American success! In elementary schools across this land, whenever there is a foot race, all all the participants, not just the winners, get a ribbon so they can all feel the benefits of positive self-esteem. How can we so callously smother that self-esteem in later life when they learn that winning does matter? I say, if it's good enough for kids, it's good enough for the NFL!

Give the Saints the NFL championship so they can regain their self-esteem and begin cleaning the bodies from the Superdome!

Conservatives, call Karl Rove! Liberals, call Hillary! (If she thinks Congress is a plantation, she should look at the NFL!) Centrists, call NFL headquarters!



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