For God so loved the World that He wanted everyone to get an iPod, He sent His only begotten Son.

While standing in line at Wal-Mart the other day, clutching my single purchase tightly to my chest lest it be ripped from my arms in the Chri$tma$-time consumerism corporate America so dearly loves, I heard the lady in front of me tell the clerk: "It's so good to hear Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. God bless you!" Then she pushed her creaking shopping cart away from the check stand.

I think the fine folks behind the counter should start saying, "Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa and Merry Christmas." (And if they could throw in an "Allahu Akbar," that would be gravy.)

I'm as pissed as anyone about "Holiday Trees." But this whole backlash against "Happy Holidays" is asinine. Christmas is a celebration of Jebus' birth, and should be celebrated in the church of your choice, not in a fucking Wal-Mart! That's where you celebrate Chri$tma$: the annual buying frenzy that makes corporate America all its profits for the year. Anyone with a fistful of cash can celebrate Chri$tma$. Heck, even Japan celebrates Chri$tma$, complete with trees, reindeer, and Santa, but without a Saviour in sight. It's actually kind of refreshing to be able to freely indulge in selfish behavior of making out a Chri$tma$ list, telling your friends what they can and can't get you. And as an added bonus, all the stores are open!

So screw Pat Buchanan. Have a Happy Holidays, Ya'll, and may the God of your choice bless you!