Wednesday, December 07, 2005

If you are offended by nudity, leave now! AND WHATEVER YOU DO: DO NOT SCROLL DOWN! Jebus is not responsible for your offended eyes. (I did blur out the naughty bits. My readers, like most in Jesusistan, are not mature enough to see a nipple. Like the great Jimmy Swaggart, who frequented prostitutes for his flock, I risked blindness by seeing the nipple. Of course, you could just click the link. . .)

"A German Protestant youth group has put together a 2006 calendar with 12 staged photos depicting erotic scenes from the Bible, including a bare-breasted Delilah cutting Samson's hair and a nude Eve offering an apple," according to a Reuters story. (Sorry to quote the entire thing, but Jebus can't make this shit up!)

"There's a whole range of biblical scriptures simply bursting with eroticism," said Stefan Wiest, the 32-year-old photographer who took the titillating pictures.

Anne Rohmer, 21, poses on a doorstep in garters and stockings as the prostitute Rahab, who is mentioned in both New and Old Testaments. "We wanted to represent the Bible in a different way and to interest young people," she told Reuters.

"Anyway, it doesn't say anywhere in the Bible that you are forbidden to show yourself nude."

Bernd Grasser, pastor of the church in Nuremberg where the calendar is being sold, was enthusiastic about the project which is explained online at

"It's just wonderful when teenagers commit themselves with their hair and their skin to the bible," he said.

For those folks in Jesusistan who cannot embrace sex in the Bible, permit me to quote The Song of Solomon:

(1:2.) Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. (1:4) Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee. (1:5) I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem. . . [If were of color, as the PC crowd would say, that line would offend me. It would have to be excised from the Bible. "Black, but comely?" Does that mean blacks are not comely? -Ed.]

(4:5)Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.

(4:10) How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! [The Bible condones incest! -Ed.]

(4:12-15) A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard, Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices: A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon. [C'mon! You don't have to be a perv to figure this one out!]

(4:16) Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden,that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits. [oh, yeah! Oral sex ordained by God! -Ed.]

(8:16) Make haste, my beloved, and be thou like to a roe or to a young hart upon the mountains of spices. ["Faster! Faster!" -Ed.]

Who say religion is boring?

Praise Jebus and pass the condoms!



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