Quick! Call Bill O'reilly and the Jesusistan Enforcers. Someone has corrupted Star Wars, that fine Christian film franchise and it using it to dis American Christian traditions. This must not stand!

All of the Faithful, summon thy prayer groups! Call forth thy angry denouncers from the media! Set alight thy fiery crosses! Lock and load! The BATF is at the gates, and the Hounds of Hell cannot be far behind!

There's a Star Wars dreidel game! And they are luring Christians to play! I know! Christians playing aHebrew game. Eeeeeewwwww! Don't those people understand that this is AMERICA? That this is Chr$tma$? (Thank goodness they'll be going to Hell, along with the Holidays, where they won't bother us for all Eternity.)

Oh, the humanity! This calls for a week-long protest of all Star Wars products until George Lucas recants his position that these holidays belong to anyone other than Christians.

Or until the kids demand the latest Star Wars toy. Whichever comes first.

Praise Jebus and pass the blaster clips!