I'm Sorry, So Sorry

The Senate has issued an apology for not passing anti-lynching legislation. Some pundits called it ironic that the same Democrats who managed to save the filibuster are now apologizing for its use in defeating three attempts at anti-lynching laws, get this, led by Southern Democrats. I guess the filibuster is an obstacle to progress after all. Too bad the Civil Rights Movement will never link the sins of the Democrats of the past to the Democrats of today. That only happens to white folk and the Republicans, the Party of Lincoln.

I do have to wonder, though, why some Senators felt they had to apologize. They were not in office at the time. They bear no personal responsibility for past Senate inaction. But here they are, apologizing for the sins of others.

In that spirit, I would like to offer the following apologies:

* I'm sorry the media overhypes the disappearances and kidnappings of white women over women of color.

* I'm sory, really REALLY sorry about Britney Spears and Keven Federline.

* I hope you can forgive me for the inclusion of Jar Jar Binks in Episode One.

* I'm sorry Bill Clinton stained Monica Lewinsky's dress. You shouldn't treat a person's clothing that way.

* I apologize for the Watergate break-in.

* I'm sorry we went to war to oust Hitler, instead of giving more time for sanctions to work.

* Oh yeah, and sorry about that whole Teapot Dome thing.

* Sorry for the Salem Witch trials.

* I apologize for the death of Ann Boleyn.

* The Crusades were a really bad idea. Sorry.

* I'm sorry the Normans conquered England in 1066. I'm especially sorry about the arrow in the eye thing.

* I'm sorry that Christ was crucified. If they had only known. . .

* And, finally, I'm sorry Homo Sapiens drove the Neanderthals (Homo neanderthalensis) to extinction. Our bad.

Now, don't we all feel better?