I'm the first to admit that I have problems budgeting my money, and then following my budget. In a perfect world, beer would be free, for example.

For the last year, Bank One (now Chase) and I have been playing a game of "Which card is behind." A few years ago, I got a Wachovia MasterCard. Then I got a Bank One Visa card. A year or so later, I got a letter from Bank One telling me they had purchased my account from Wachovia and, that beginning June 1, I should start making my payments to them, not to Wachovia. So I did what they said. I got three more Wachovia bills, all with a balance of $0.00.

Six months later, I try to pay my first Bank One Visa online. I can't log in. WTF? So I call. The dronette at customer service informs me that since I hadn't paid the Mastercard for six months, they have closed this account. I try to map the logic out on that statement by saying, "So I don't pay a card with a balance of $0 for six months and you cancel a card with a balance, and the card that replaces the card I didn't pay is still good?" "Yes."

Right then, Bank One becomes my least favorite creditor. When I hit my serious financial problems a few months later, Bank One was the last one to get paid. Soo every other month I'd have to pay one card twice, and screw the other card by not paying.

Why is creditors call when you have less than $100 bucks in your checking account and demand a check by phone for $200? Anyway, tonight, I spoke with a nice guy who said really dumb things. To be fair, he's reading a script so Chase can't be sued by me when I say "He didn't say that!"

I refuse to do check by phone. I won't give my Social Security number over the phone, even when the drone at the credit card company can recite the last four digits. I refuse to my driver's license number over the phone. And I flatly refuse to give my checking account information over the phone.

So I tell him my plan, and pretends to pretend to beleive me. Then he tells me that, in order to avoid an over limit fee, a late fee, and reporting to the credit company (which he already said had happened), I needed to to pay $1223 by next Friday.

I laughed. Hard! Between ragged breaths I tell him I will get paid about $500 next week, and that he was going to just have to report me.

I think I offended him by not begging him for mercy. Or maybe I screwed myself by not begging for mercy.