The real culprit in Global Warming? Canada. In 2005, while running for office, former Prime Minister Paul Martin chastised the US for not committing to the Kyoto Accord. US emissions had risen 13%. Canada's had risen 24%.

But. . .but. . .America is selfish and evil, the Goreacle says. We're responsible for Global Warming (Praise Gaia and her anointed profits Al Gore and Tom Brokaw! Hah-men!). China isn't. Canada isn't. So as you sit in your air conditioned room, reading this on your computer with cold can of Red Bull at your side, you are destroying the planet.