I was on call this weekend, and spent a large part of my time dealing with idiots. Every weekend I work, the more I'm convinced of the truth of this Douglas Adams quote: "The intelligence of the universe is a constant. Unfortunatly, the population is growing."

Every night this weekend, someone locked themselves out of their guest house or bed and breakfast. The highlight of the weekend was a guest who had stayed with us before. He knew where the house was, he knew how to get there. The last time, he had arrived early in the day. The gate was open and he went straight to the house. This time he arrived late. This time, the gate was locked.

The on call phone is on until 10 pm. Naturally, they arrived at midnight.

The first thing this inDUHvidual did, was hand his cell phone to his girlfriend. She called and gave her name when she left a message. When I woke up, I retrieved messages. When I got the message I went to the office and looked up her name. Nothing. So I call the number back and tell her to call back and let us know where they are staying. I called on the office phone. I left the office phone number and said we would be open at 10 am. I go home.

At 10:15 am, I realized I had left the phone on. So I answer it. It's the inDUHvidual! He told me that the reason I couldn't find the GF's name in the computer was because the reservation was in his name. He didn't say it, but his tone of voice said, "Duh!" I tell him that he needs to stop by the office. So he does.

He arrives at the office and tells the staff that because he had stayed there before he left the freakin' confirmation, with the combination to the gate, at home. It was our fault, he argued, because we didn't tell him about the gate, and we didn't tell him the combination was in his paperwork. When he was told that we cannot be responsible if he doesn't bring his paperwork, he gets angry!

I have suggested to the boss that to save money, we should stop mailing confirmations, because no one reads them. Every Friday, half of our arrivals call and ask us, "Where do we get the key?" IT'S ON THE FREAKIN' MAP! LOOK UNDER THE SECTION LABELED "KEY ARRANGEMENTS!"