Monday, August 15, 2005

Scientists discovered two new lemur species in Madagascar. "Until now, scientists believed only one type of giant mouse lemur existed, split into two populations in the west and the north of the island. But morphological, genetic and behavioural data shows they are in fact distinct species which diverged about two million years ago." Or 6000 years ago, if you're a creationist. Or an infinite time ago if you're a Buddhist. Or 100,000 lifetimes ago if you're Hindu.

But all those theories are wrong!

Last night, I had a spiritual vision. I observed the creation of the universe, and the beginnings of life on Earth. Hector (that's the name he gave, anyway) waved his hand across the emptiness and formed the Universe on June 20, 1962. He created a logarithmic carbon decay rate to fool foolish scientists about the true age of the universe. If you remember anything before 6/20/1962, Hector the Divine planted those memories in you to test your faith. He didn't create gravity, but instead, explained that we are attracted to the Earth by our toenails. (I feel so sorry for those of you who worship false gods!)

I will be forming a new church, and am looking for a name. I'm leaning towards Toenailism.

Tomorrow, of course, the Toenailsim creation theory will have to be taught in Public Schools. My theory is just as valid as anyone else's.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home