Sunday, May 08, 2005

The United States of Jesus

Recently, high tech biological research has been fleeing Texas and heading for California. Last month, Texas Monthly magazine published an interesting analysis of just why that is happening.

Long before it was fashionable, Texas school textbooks downplayed evolution. They didn't include "Intelligent Design," or as I like to call it, the "God Done It Theory," they just avoided the issue as much as possible. As a result, The State of Texas gets a "C" in nationwide science tests. Not content with that, there are factions that are pushing that "God Done It" be included in textbooks. Apparently, these groups are envious of Alabama's "D" score or Oklahoma's "F" score, and hope to get our students at the bottom of the list as fast as possible.

The problem is that the Thoery of Evolution (which is not a law, but a theory, esactly like the Theory of Gravity is not a law, so apparently a "God Done It" Theory of Gravity is in the works) lies at the backbone of today's cutting edge bilogical research. Since "God Done It" doesn't get things accomplished nearly as quickly in the research lab as in a public school classroom, Texas has fallen behind in bological research. And the "God Done It" backers are doing everything they can to make sure we don't catch up.

The "God Done It" camp has also said the Earth was created 6,000 years ago. Yet geologists, who beleive the Earth is billions of years old, use their estimates of the age of the Earth to find oil and other underground treasures. Are we expected to beleive that the billion-year model is a convenient fiction to allow us to find oil? That's the same logic used by St. Augustine when he said Earth is at the center of the universe and everything revolves around it. After all, The Holy Bible showed Joshua stopping the from moving (Joshua 10: 12-13), not the Earth from spinning:

12 Then spoke Joshua to the LORD in the day when the LORD gave the Amorites over to the men of Israel; and he said in the sight of Israel, "Sun, stand thou still at Gibeon, and thou Moon in the valley of Ai'jalon."

[I can just see Lurlene and Wanda Jo at the bowling alley discussing this:
Lurlene: Take this here bowling boall Wanda Jo. I'm gonna spin it. Now you stop it.
Wanda Jo: Shore thing. *UFH* That heavy ole thing took both hands to stop from a'spinnin'.
Lurlene: Now run down the alley. I'm gonna give this a heave at ya.
Wanda Jo runs down the alley, turns to face Lurlene. Lurlene rolls the ball down the alley like she was going for a strike.
Lurlene: Stop it now, Wanda Jo!
Wanda Jo: OWWW! My fingers! My toes! My ribs!
Lurlene: See, Wanda Jo, that just shows how powerful God is. Mohammed or Buddha coulda stopped the Earth from spinning. But it takes a real diety to stop the sun from movin'!]

The Aritotlean model of the universe, given as fact in the Bible (and the Bible is literal truth) stated that the planets rode on celestial spheres in a circular movement around us. Except for Mars, which had a disturbing tendacy to move backwards in its movement across the sky. To explain this motion so that sailors could navigate, Tycho Brahe suggested that the planets moved on little spheres on the big spheres that moved around the Earth. Since this new model had the advantage of keeping the Earth at the center of the Universe, and helped fewer ships from getting lost, the Church accepted it as fact.

When Johannes Kepler came along and established his Laws of Planetary Motion (with the sun at the center of the solar system and the Earth orbiting it), navigators around the world latched onto it because it fit their observations of the night sky perfectly! The church allowed the navigators to use this model, but warned that it was only a model, and not the Divine Truth.

Since it contradicts Joshua 10: 12, and the Bible is literal truth, the Copernican solar system model must be considered a Theory. Since it violates the idea behind "God Done It," therefore, it can only be taught in schools alongside the Aristotlean model of the Universe. Right?

I've been trying to find references to atoms and molecules in the Bible, but have failed, so, by the "God Done It" rule, besides teaching the math behind chemical reactions, chemistry teachers should teach that God willed the reaction to occur.

It's good to see the "God Done It" crowd moving us closer and closer to the Islamic Shiara rule of law: Only what's in the Bible can be taught. Seems they have more in common with Bin Laden than they realized. They both want a religious based government.


Blogger Jami said...

Wanda Jo and Lurlene. Hilarious.

1:06 PM  

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